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Angalia huyu baba alichowafanya mtoto wake wa kike na boyfriend wake

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BABA OYEEEEEE๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿ’ช
Soma hiiโ€ฆ

Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANA friend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambia hivi:-

MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor

MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngลฉgฤฉ wa Thiong’o

MSICHANA: Aaah! Hicho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie

MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.

MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe

Baba mtu akawatazama kisha akasema

BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli

MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana yupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!

BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatia na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!

Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GET PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED” by Wole Soyinka.

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Angalia hawa kina mama, ni shida..!

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Mama mdaku alishangaa kila siku mchungaji anaingia nyumba ya jirani yake ambaye hana mume, akawa anajiuliza anakwenda kufanya nini? Uzalendo ukamshinda akamuuliza “Mwenzangu, mbona kila siku mchungaji anakuja kwako, vipi anakuja kukuombea?” Akajibiwa “Nyoo, umbea tu! Mbona kwako kila siku anakuja mwanajeshi kuna vita! chefuuuu ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ๐Ÿ˜ณ

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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Huyu mgeni wa huyu jamaa ni shida

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Pale unapokuwa umefulia sanaโ€ฆ

Mgeni anakutembelea Maskani kwakoโ€ฆ.Unaamua Kuchukua Ile Sh 600 iliyobaki na kwenda Dukani Kumnunulia Soda Unaondoka na Chupa Mbili Unanunua Fanta Moja kwaajil ya Mgeni na Ile Chupa ya Sprite Unaijaza Maji ili Ukirudi Uweze kumpa Kampani Mgeniโ€ฆโ€ฆUnafika Seblen Unampa Ile soda ya Fanta Mgeni anakuambia Fanta huwa situmii Nipe hiyo sprite โ€ฆ..Bwanaโ€ฆ.Bwana. โ€ฆBwanaโ€ฆ.Weee ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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MAJIBU YA MAKONDA WA DALADALA ZETU GONGOLAMBOTO HUKU

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1. wewe Dada unaturingia nini na matiti yako mawili , mbwa pia ana matiti nane na haturingii eboo !!!!

2. Ka wafikiri Una haraka sana Shuka ukimbie.

3. Nauli kulipa lazima ,Chenji ukikumbuka.

4. Kutapika ndani ndani ya Daladala fain 250/= ,ukijamba pia 250/= ,Sasa jamba tukujue viti vina alarm!โ€ฆ

5.Hatujasema wewe ni Mnene ila Ukikalia SITI mbili Lipiaโ€ฆ.

6. Hio Elfu kumi yako nenda nunua avocado upake alafu uteleze hadi posta ,nauli ya daladala ni 350/=.

7. usifungue dirisha ungetaka upepo ungepanda pikipiki..

8. wewe Dada hebu sogea hukoo, Unaringa nini wakati asubuhi hii umeoga na sabuni ya kuoshea vyomboโ€ฆ

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Hawa wanaume wanaopenda wanawake hovyo barabarani wamepatikana, hawatarudia ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

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Marafiki wawiliย (Jose na Ben)ย walikuwa wanatembea mtaani akatokea mwanamke akarusha busu kwa mmojawapo kupitia dirishani katika jengo la ghorofa tatu.

Wakaanza kujadiliana kama ifuatavyo:

Ben:ย Muone yule mrembo amenirushia busu

Jose:ย tafadhali achana na huyo mwanamke, usimjali..

(baadae yule mwanamke akamuashiria aende)

Ben:ย yule mwanamke ameniita!

Jose:ย Rafiki yangu, usiende. Nakutafadhalisha.

Ben:ย Kwa nini unaniambia nisiende Wakati mrembo kama yule ananiita? Huo ni wivu

Jose:ย Ben, Ninakutafadhalisha tena, usiende, tafadhali usiende kuleย (akihisi kutotiliwa maanani)

(Rafiki yake alimpuuza na alienda kwa yule mwanamke, mwanamke alishuka kukutana naye na wakapanda juu. Ghafla wakiwa wanataka kuanza taratibu za kula uroda, wakasikia mlio WA gari getini).. ๐Ÿ”Š๐Ÿ”Š

Lady:ย _(akiangalia kupitia dirishani)_
Oooh! Yule ni mume wangu!!

Ben:ย Mama yangu !
Nipo matatani, kweli ? ..!!

Lady:ย Usiwe na khofu, jifanye kuwa Dobi na anza kupiga pasi hizo nguo

(akimuonyesha lundo la nguo)

(Ben alitumia masaa matano kukamilisha kunyoosha zile nguo kwa sababu yule mume hakutoka tena siku ile)

(Siku iliyofuatia Ben alikwenda kwa Rafiki yake)

Ben:ย Kaka, unaweza kuamini Jana nimepiga pasi nguo kwa masaa matano???

Jose:ย Lakini nilikwambia usiende. Nguo zote hizo ulizonyoosha,ย Nilizifua Mimi Juzi!!
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

When an experienced person speaks โ€ฆ ๐Ÿ‘‚you must listen..!

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Alichokifanya jamaa baada ya kuokota wallet yenye pesa za kumwaga

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Jamaa aliokota wallet, alipofika nyumbani akapiga simu kwenye radio station

“Naitwa John nimepiga simu kutangaza kuwa nimeokota wallet ndani ina laki 7, ATM Card na kikaratasi chenye PIN ya ATM Card na kijimkufu cha dhahabu kinene hiviโ€ฆ”

Mtangazaji akasema:- Akhasante sana John, kwa hiyo ungependa kumrudishia mwenyewe kama ana kusikiliza akutafute kwa No. Gani!?

John: Hapana, mi nilikuwa namshukuru tu maana amenitoa kwenye matatizo na ninapenda kumuombea Dedication wimbo wa Snura “MAJANGA” umfikie popote pale alipoโ€ฆ!!!

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Kilichotokea kwa binti na mvulana wake walipotaitishwa na baba yake msichana

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Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANAfriend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambaia:

MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor
MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha Maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngลฉgฤฉ wa Thiong’o
MSICHANA: Aaah! Icho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie
MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.
MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe
Baba mtu akawatazamaaaa kisha akasema
BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli
MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana hupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!
BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatie na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!
Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GOT PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED”

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Haya mapenzi jamani! Umewah kumpenda kwa kihivi??

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Sijui Kama ushawai fall in love ile haswaa..

yani unampenda mtoto hadi akikupigia ile sauti ilivo tamu unajiskia kutafuna na kuimeza hiyo simu

Akikuita tu “my love”unajiskia tu kuvua nguo mwenywe
..
hicho kiupendo ukiwa nae unajskia unaweza piga wanaume 8 kwa pamoja

Yani ile love mtashinda pamoja kutwa nzima afu usiku unakopa salio umpigie muongee

Yani yale mapenz kiasi ukiona love story za romeo na Juliet unaona hakuna wanachofanya coz mapenz yao hayafikii yenu..

ile true love akikuangalia machoni akuguse mashavu afu akwambie,”I love u”
Unajishikilia kwenye ukuta usizimie..

yani ukimfikiria unaweza kulala chini ya kitanda Ku dilute hiyo feeling coz ni too much..

Umewahi kufeel hivyo??

Kama ushawai experience hivyo?? Basi HIYO SIYO “LOVE” NI “BANGI” PLZ ACHA KUTUMIA!
#ishakua_biashara_kichaa


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Wanawake wa leo mbele ya hela. Hii ni hatari

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MDADA: Baby nikwambie kitu
MKAKA: Yeah Baby Uko huru nambie
MDADA: nilikua naomba hela babyโ˜บ
MKAKA: WW nae kwa kupenda hela jana tu nmekupa hela Leo unaomba ya nn ๐Ÿ˜–
MDADA: hapana๐Ÿ˜Œ Bby sio hivyo nlikua nataka nikashuhudie tetemeko la ardhi BUKOBA nasikia huko linaonekana vizur .
๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
Wanawake kumbukeni sio vizuri


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Angalia huyu jamaa alivyomuweza huyu binti wa chuo

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๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜ .. TABU KUDATE NA MADEMU WA CHUO
Demu ;ย Baby Safari Hii Nataka Pale Hostel Niwafunike Mashoga Zangu Wote.
Jamaa ;ย Poa Sweetie Ondoa Shaka Nitakununulia #Turubai Utawafunika Woteโ€ฆ!!!
Demu:ย Mxiuuuuuuuu Lione Sura Kama Goti La mbuzi Na Namba yangu futa Nakublock Mpaka Sanduku la postaโ€ฆ!!!

๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚nmecheka adi nmelazwa


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Angalia wanachokifanya Zuzu na msichana chumbani kwenye giza

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Zuzu: Mambo Anna!
Anna: Poa!
Zuzu: Kuna kitu nataka nikuonyesheโ€ฆ
Anna: Kitu gan?
Zuzu: Twende chumbani kwako (wakaenda)
Anna: Haya nionyesheโ€ฆ

Zuzu: Funga mlango na madirisha kwanza (akafunga)
Anna: Haya nionyeshe sasa!..
Zuzu: Zima taa kwanza (akazima)
Anna: Mhmโ€ฆnionyeshe sasa!
Zuzu: Haya njoo hapa kitandaniโ€ฆ
Anna: Ok, nionyeshe!
Zuzu: Ona nimenunua saa ambayo inawaka yenyewe gizaniโ€ฆ Acha mawazo mabaya ww???


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