High school Flashback!!
.
Watchman : Amkeni muende morning preps.
Allan : Mimi ni mgonjwa.
Watchman : Unaumwa na nini hiyo?
Allan : Bionomial Nomenclature.
Watchman : Eeh, lala tu kijana. Hiyo kitu ni
mbaya. Imeuwa watu South Africa.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
#_Sipendagii ujinga kabisaa mimi
Angalia hivi
-Mlinzi wa Getini lazima awe chizi
-Mtu yupo kijijini, maisha magumu ana Wave
kichwani.
-Kama bosi atakuwa na kampuni basi ni lazima
itakuwa ya Clearing and Forwading au ya uuzaji
Magari.
-Lazima waende Kununua nguo.
-Jambazi lazima avae koti lefu jeusi na Miwani.
-Mtu akichapwa kofi huangukia kwenye kochi
ama kitandani.
-Actress huwa hawapiki hata chai.
-Kwa mdada akiishi maisha ya kitajiri lazima
avae nguo inayoishia mapajani.
-Actress even after 5 yeas utakuta staili ya
nywele na rangi za kucha ni zile zile.
-Anaweka Sumu alafu anaonja kama imekolea.
-Movie zote wapenzi huitana Baby..
-Main actor wote ni wafanya biashara na lazima
wataongelea mizigo kutoka bandarini.
-Wakinywa Soda basi lazima wabakishe.
Chizi kakaa ukingoni mwa bahari analia kwa masikitiko na huku kakamata kijiko cha chai. Mwezake akamuuliza mbona unalia mwenzangu. Chizi akajibu nimetia vijiko vitatu vya sukari baharini, kila nikionja bado ina chumvi. Mwenzake akacheka sanaaaaaa akamwambia. Hujakoroga!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂
MKE..mume wangu unaweza kuua simba kwasababu yangu???
MME: Hapana mke wangu, sema kingine
MKE:unaweza kunipa nione watsapp yako nione msgs?
MME: Haya sema huyo simba yukwap nikamuue
HABARI MPASUKO..
jana katika taasisi ya wanyama pori ya Nat Geo ilitangazwa kuwa ametokea Nyoka hatar san Ambaye hajawah kutokea duniania.. wanadai kwamba nyoka huyo anaongezeka ulrefu wa 0.5sm kila akila chakula na huwa anakula chakula kuanzia sekunde 30 kurudi nyuma.. mpaka sasa hakuna siraha ya kuweza kumuua nyoka huyo isipokuwa akiji uma mwenye ndo anaweza kufa, wanasayansi hao walieleza japo uchunguz zaid bado unaendelea… huyu ni nyoka anayeua kuliko nyoka wote waliowah kutokea katika historia ya maisha ya mwanadam..
nyoka huyu hupatikana katika simu pekee za nokia toch katika sehem ya game inaitwa snake xenzia..
asanteni kwa kufurah na umakin mkubwa katika usomaji wa matini hii…
haya ni mambo ya wikiend jaman na iwe njema kwenu wote
Kuishi kijijini kunahitaji moyo sana
..unaenda kuoga, unakumbuka kuwa umesahau sabuni…unaenda kuchukua sabuni kurudi bafuni, unakuta ng’ombe amekunywa maji yote..unaamua kufuata mengne,unarudi unakuta mbuzi kala sabuni…😂😂😂😂
GARI YA MILIONI 50
UNALAZA NJE…
mke wa laki sita
unalala nae ndani….
BANGI SI NZURI JAMAN
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Hivi wadada mnaovaa mawigi.
👉🏽 Utajisikiaje siku Boyfriend wako anaingia chumbani halafu anatundika NDEVU kwenye henga🤣
Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANAfriend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambaia:
MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor
MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha Maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o
MSICHANA: Aaah! Icho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie
MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.
MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe
Baba mtu akawatazamaaaa kisha akasema
BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli
MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana hupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!
BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatie na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!
Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GOT PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED”
Jamaa alikuwa anagombana na mkewe,hatimae
akamwambia kwa ukali
“Unajua nimechoka sasa, haya kusanya nguo
zako na……..
Kabla hajamalizia sentensi simu
ya mkewe ikaita, kumbe alikuwa ni baba yake.
Basi mzee akaanza kuongea na binti yake huku
jamaa anasikia
“Aisee mwanangu nimebahatika kuuza ile
nyumba yangu sasa nimeona niwatumie milioni
20 mjaribu kuanzisha mradi na mwenzio.
Haya mwambie yeye nitampigia kesho kama
ana mradi mwingine nimpe hela kidogo”.Baada
ya simu kukatwa mke akamgeukia jamaa
akamuuliza,”eeenhee!!! ulikuwa unasema
umenichoka nikusanye nguo zangu halafu
iweje? Jamaa kwa upole akajibu “Nilikuwa
nasema ukusanye nguo zako na unipe nifue”.
Leo nikaamua niingie misa ya asubuhi kwenye kanisa moja la kilokole kulikua na ugeni wa mchungaji kutoka Bulgaria, Mahubiri yameanza saa 1 asubuhi hali ikawa kama hivi:
MCHUNGAJI: My name is Pastor Livingstone
MKALIMANi: Kwa jina naitwa mchungaji Jiwe linaloishi
MCHUNGAJI: We thank God for All goals we set by our hands
MKALIMANI: Tunamshukuru Mungu kwa Magoli yote tuliyoweka kwa Mkono
Hivi navyoongea kanisa halina viti waumini wote tumekimbia nje naona Mkalimani amebaki na kiatu cha kushoto tu.
Sunday joke
Welcome to AckySHINE Ministries, where our mission is to illuminate lives with the light of Christian faith.
AckySHINE charity is a program for humanitarian campaigns and aid aimed at promoting peace and unity, protecting the environment, and maintaining the health and development of individuals and the community as a whole. These campaigns are advertised through ackyshine.com.
Hey there! 😄
I’m so happy you’re here! 🥳
If you’re enjoying yourself, please leave a comment💬.
I’d love to hear from you! 💬❤️
Your Friend, Melkisedeck Leon Shine
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