Visa Vya Wasichana Na Wavulana

Kilichotokea kwa binti na mvulana wake walipotaitishwa na baba yake msichana

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANAfriend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambaia:

MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor
MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha Maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o
MSICHANA: Aaah! Icho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie
MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.
MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe
Baba mtu akawatazamaaaa kisha akasema
BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli
MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana hupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!
BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatie na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!
Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GOT PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED”

Read and Write Comments

Haya mapenzi jamani! Umewah kumpenda kwa kihivi??

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Sijui Kama ushawai fall in love ile haswaa..

yani unampenda mtoto hadi akikupigia ile sauti ilivo tamu unajiskia kutafuna na kuimeza hiyo simu

Akikuita tu “my love”unajiskia tu kuvua nguo mwenywe
..
hicho kiupendo ukiwa nae unajskia unaweza piga wanaume 8 kwa pamoja

Yani ile love mtashinda pamoja kutwa nzima afu usiku unakopa salio umpigie muongee

Yani yale mapenz kiasi ukiona love story za romeo na Juliet unaona hakuna wanachofanya coz mapenz yao hayafikii yenu..

ile true love akikuangalia machoni akuguse mashavu afu akwambie,”I love u”
Unajishikilia kwenye ukuta usizimie..

yani ukimfikiria unaweza kulala chini ya kitanda Ku dilute hiyo feeling coz ni too much..

Umewahi kufeel hivyo??

Kama ushawai experience hivyo?? Basi HIYO SIYO “LOVE” NI “BANGI” PLZ ACHA KUTUMIA!
#ishakua_biashara_kichaa


Read and Write Comments

Staili nyingine za michepuko ni shida

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Mtu na mkewe walikuwa bado wamelala asubuhi, mtu akapiga hodi mke akaenda kufungua mlango, si akakuta mchepuko wake,
MKE: Unataka nini we mpumbavu?

MUME: Nani huyo unamtukana?
MKE: Kuna mtu hapa anakichwa kama nenda urudi badae
MCHEPUKO:Nawewe pua kama poa
MKE:Miguu kama masaa mawili
MCHEPUKO:Masikio kama sichelewi
MKE: Ondoka hapa mjinga we. …… Akafunga mlango
MUME: mwambie ana macho kama sitoki leo ng’oo
SIPENDI UJINGA MM nikiwa na my love pr


Read and Write Comments

Angalia huyu mwalimu alichomfamya huyu mwanafunzi

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

*Hadith ya Shemdoe na Mwalimu wa English:*

*Teacher:* `Who is a pharmacist?`

*Shemdoe:* 👆🏿 _(raised up his hand.)_

*Teacher:* `So it’s only Shemdoe that can tell who a pharmacist is in this class? Thus, no body else to answer the question except Shemdoe?`

_(There was no reply from the students)_

*Teacher:* `Ok. now Shemdoe, chukua hii fimbo, charaza vilaza hawa wote kila mmoja viboko 3.`

*Shemdoe* _(akiwa amevimba kichwa, akawatwanga viboko vitatu vitatu vya kushiba darasa nzima)_

*Teacher:* `Now, my dear Shemdoe tell this dumb students, who a pharmacist is…?`

*Shemdoe:* `Yes, sir. a Pharmacist is a farmer who assists people.`

_*Shemdoe sasa hivi amelazwa MOI kwa wataalam wa mifupa*_😀😀😀


Read and Write Comments

Amri za chuo

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Ndio hizi sasa

1.Hicho ndicho chuo chako usiwe na chuo kingine ila hicho.
2.Usilitaje bure jna la chuo chako mana utawaumiza wengine.
3.Ikumbuke cku uliyochaguliwa na kuiheshimu.
4.Waheshimu tcu, bodi ya mkopo na uongoz wa chuo ili upate kuendelea kuwepo chuon.
5.Usisapu
6.Usidisko
7.Usitumie mkopo ovyo.
8.Usitaman chuo cha mwenzio
9.Usitamani fakat ya mwenzio
10. Usitaman bumu lake wala chochote alichonacho. hahaha chezea chuo weye!


Read and Write Comments

Hii kazi kweli kweli, Ungekua wewe ungefanyaje?

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

UNATOKA SEBULENI UNAENDA ZAKO CHOONI UNAINGIA TU HIVI GHAFLA UNAKUTANA NA MZIGO MKUBWA WA MAVI JUU YA CHOO ALAFU UNAAMUA KURUDI ZAKO ILE UNATOKA TU UNAMUONA DEMU MZURI ULIYEMTONGOZA JANA ANAKUJA KUINGIA CHOO ULICHOTOKA WW NA KINA MZIGO WA MAVI JUU NA AMEKUONA WW NDIO UMETOKA MLE NDANI ..unaamua kurudi ili uka flash bahat mby maji hakuna.!!!

😁😁😁HAPO NDIO UTAJUA KWANINI SIKU HIZI HATUPENDI UJINGA😆😆😆😆


Read and Write Comments

Angalia huyu ticha wa Hesabu alichofanyiwa

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Looku Looku* 👀👀

*Ama Kweli Mkuki Kwa Nguruwe kwa Binadamu Mchungu Skia Hii….!!*

*Ishawahi kutokea Pale nilipokutana njiani na mwalimu aliyekufundisha MATHS secondary afu akaniambia nimuelekeze njia ya kwenda sehemu fulani.*

*_Nenda mbele kama 2KM hivi kisha kata kushoto,ila hakikisha ANGLE inakuwa ni 30.5 KUSINI MASHARIKI.Kisha tumia PYTHAGORAS na hakikisha una FOUR FIGURE ili kupata thamani ya ANGLE._*

*Mwalimu alisonya na kuondoka.*😏😏😏😒😒

*Stakagi ujinga kabisa mimi, wakati ananichapa alifikiri sifa*😂😂

😅🙌🏽🙌🏽 *Mniache Tuu Mimi Sio Kwa Bifu Ilo Aiseee*🏃🏾


Read and Write Comments

Kilichompata huyu anayependa kusoma SMS za watu kwenye daladala

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Jana nilipanda daladala nikapata seat nikaketi, nikawa nimejiachia ninachati kwenye simu yangu(Smart phone), kukawa na jamaa kasimama pembeni yangu, ye hakupata seat. Sasa akawa anasoma message zangu bila aibu yani anafutilia ninavyochati…

Basi nikasema ngoja nimtie Adabu mshenzi huyu…. Nikacheck saa yangu yamkononi kisha nikatext: “Oya Ben Kwaheri bwana, zimebaki sekunde 30 tu hili bomu💣 lilipuke… najua hatutaonana tena, nitunzie Familia yangu, wambie nawapenda sana…” Yule jamaa akajirusha dirishani……😂😅

​kwani mi napenda ujinga xx 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


Read and Write Comments

Majibu ya mkato ya kuchekesha Kutoka Kenya

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Njeri: Roysambu ni ngapi?
Makanga: Roysambu ni moja tu. Pengine kama Chinese wamejenga ingine.

Odhis: Hii gari haina watu bana.
Makanga: Kwani hao wawili wenye wamekaa hapo ndani ni ng’ombe?

Man: Wekeni nyimbo za Yesu tafadhali.
Makanga: Yesu bado hajatoa album. Akitoa tutaeka.

Mwikali: Excuse me conda…gari za Mwingi zinapandiwa wapi?
Makanga: Ziliacha kupandwa juu hazimei.

Man: Kwani mwisho wa gari ni wapi?
Makanga: Mwisho ni hapo penye number plate iko.

Karis: Ruaka ni how much?
Makanga: Sijaskia Ruaka ikiuzwa. But nikiskia nitakwambia.

Passenger: Shukisha dere.
Makanga: Tukishukisha dere utaendesha gari?

Johnny: Maze, hii gari iko na joto sana.
Makanga: Basi shuka upande fridge


Read and Write Comments

Wadada acheni hizo

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Mfalme Sulemani alikuwa na wake 700 na alichepuka(cheated)na vimada 300 . Mpenzi wako/Mume wako unamfumania na kimada mmoja tu ugomvi na amani imapotea ndani ya nyumba,unasimulia kuanzia padri,mchungaji,ukoo wako mzima,mashoga, stress,vidonda vya tumbo,inapelekea mpaka unaokoka,eti kisa kamuonjesha mmoja☝ sasa akionjesha 700 si utakutwa Mirembe�

Wadada acheni HIZO
😂😂😂😂😂😂.


Read and Write Comments

Namna wazazi wanavyoongea na mabinti katika umri tofauti

236 Comments / 1000+ Vichekesho vipya: Vichekesho vya AckySHINE

Miaka 13: Usipende wavulana ni wabaya.
Miaka 18: Sitaki nikuone na yule mvulana tena!
Miaka 23: Lini utatuletea mchumba wako?
Miaka 26: Wenzio wanaolewa.
Miaka 30: Tumekuambia kwamba acha
kuchagua sana wanaume, hutaki kusikia!
Miaka 33: Kuna mtu wa Mungu yupo kule
anaombea unaweza kupata mchumba
Miaka 36: At least pata mtoto mmoja.
Miaka 39: We will take care of all the wedding
bills…yeyote ni sawa sisi tutagharamia kila kitu mwanetu wee mlete tu .
Miaka 45: hivi kweli nani alikuroga.?

😂😂😂 changamkia fulsa umri ukifika


Read and Write Comments
Shopping Cart
15
    15
    Your Cart
    Sala za Asubuhi na jioni
    KITABU CHA SALA ZA KILA SIKU ASUBUHI NA JIONI
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    126 Pages NOTES - GEOGRAPHY FORM ONE: Ordinary Level (O-level), Secondary School - Tanzania
    126 Pages NOTES - GEOGRAPHY FORM ONE: Ordinary Level (O-level), Secondary School - Tanzania
    1 X Sh2,500 = Sh2,500
    SANAMU NA KANISA KATOLIKI
    Kwa nini Wakatoliki wanaweka Sanamu Kanisani?
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    📕Kitabu cha Vichekesho Vikuu Vikali 300+✔
    📕Kitabu cha Vichekesho Vikuu Vikali 300+✔
    1 X Sh2,500 = Sh2,500
    Mambo Ya Kuzingatia Kuepuka Ugonjwa Wa Saratani Au Kansa
    Mambo Ya Kuzingatia Kuepuka Ugonjwa Wa Saratani Au Kansa
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    207 Pages NOTES - AGRICULTURE FORM THREE: Ordinary Level (O-level), Secondary School - Tanzania
    207 Pages NOTES - AGRICULTURE FORM THREE: Ordinary Level (O-level), Secondary School - Tanzania
    1 X Sh3,000 = Sh3,000
    SMS Nzuri Tamu za Kuomba muwe Wapenzi
    Jarida la SMS 8 Maalumu Kwa Umpendaye Kumuomba Muwe Wapenzi
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    33 Pages NOTES – CIVICS FORM THREE: ORDINARY LEVEL (O-LEVEL), SECONDARY SCHOOL – TANZANIA
    33 Pages NOTES – CIVICS FORM THREE: ORDINARY LEVEL (O-LEVEL), SECONDARY SCHOOL – TANZANIA
    1 X Sh2,500 = Sh2,500
    Kitabu cha Vichekesho Vya AckySHINE
    Kitabu cha Vichekesho Vya AckySHINE Sehemu ya I
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    Biblia Takatifu
    Biblia Takatifu Agano Jipya
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    Kitabu cha SMS Maalumu kwa Umpendaye
    Kitabu cha SMS Maalumu kwa Umpendaye
    1 X Sh2,500 = Sh2,500
    77 Pages NOTES - ENGLISH FORM THREE: Ordinary Level (O-level), Secondary School - Tanzania
    77 Pages NOTES - ENGLISH FORM THREE: Ordinary Level (O-level), Secondary School - Tanzania
    1 X Sh2,500 = Sh2,500
    JINSI YA KUTIBU CHUNUSI KWA NJIA ZA ASILI
    JINSI YA KUTIBU CHUNUSI KWA NJIA ZA ASILI
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    Kitabu cha MISEMO MAALUMU 1000 YA KUBADILISHA MTAZAMO WA MAISHA✔
    Kitabu cha MISEMO MAALUMU 1000 YA KUBADILISHA MTAZAMO WA MAISHA✔
    1 X Sh2,500 = Sh2,500
    KITABU CHA NOVENA KWA MTAKATIFU RITA WA KASHIA
    KITABU CHA NOVENA KWA MTAKATIFU RITA WA KASHIA
    1 X Sh0 = Sh0
    Subtotal Sh18,000
    Shipping, taxes, and discounts calculated at checkout.
    View CartContinue ShoppingCheckoutSh18,000
    🏠 Home 📖 Reading 🖼️ Gallery 💬 AI Chat 📘 About