🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Jana nimeenda kuazima pasi chumba jirani, ili ninyooshe nguo zangu, Jamaa wakaniambia nichukue nguo nikanyooshe room kwao maana hawataki pasi yao itoke.
Sasa leo amekuja mmoja wao kuazima mopper akasafishe room, nimemwambia aje adekie humu humu…
Jamaa ameondoka nadhani atakua ameenda kuchukua maji
🤒🤒🤒
MKE..mume wangu unaweza kuua simba kwasababu yangu???
MME: Hapana mke wangu, sema kingine
MKE:unaweza kunipa nione watsapp yako nione msgs?
MME: Haya sema huyo simba yukwap nikamuue
Machizi wamekaa sehemu mara ghafla ikapita ndege angani.
Chizi wa kwanza akasema:ndege ile itakua imembeba raisi.
Chizi mwenzie akajibu:hapana imebeba wazungu kama ingembeba raisi tungeona pikipiki zimetangulia mbele…
da!balaaa
Mtalii: Do you have vegetables here.
Mtafsiri: Mnavyo vijimeza hapa.
Waiter: Vijimeza vidogo hatuna.
Mtafsiri: No sir, they don’t have.
Mtalii: OK, fine, do you have hot dogs.
Mtafsiri: Sawa, je mnao mbwa wa moto.
Waiter: Loh! Bwana we, hatupiki mbwa hapa.
Mtafsiri: They don’t cook here
Mtalii: What type of snacks do you have here.
Mtafsiri: Aina ngapi ya nyoka mnao hapa,
Waiter: We bwana we hapa hatupiki aina yeyote
ya nyoka, mwache akale nyumbani kwao.
Mtafsiri: They don’t cook any type of snacks
here,
maybe you can go back and eat at home.
Mtalii: OK, at least give us a cocktail juice.
Mtafsiri: OK, tupatie hata juisi ya mkia wa jogoo.
Waiter: Hebu tokeni na bangi zenu hapa, tena
sasa hivi kabla sijakasirika.
Mtafsiri: Lets get out of here
😝😝😝😂😂😂
Usicheke pekeyako
Fanya hivi
Ukitaka mwanaume akusaidie kazi jikoni mwambie “NAOMBA CM YAKO NIWASHE TOCHI TAA IMEUNGUA”
atakusaidia kumulika mpaka unamaliza kazi zako zoote😂
WALEVI WAWILI KATIKA MAZUNGUMZO YAO
MLEVI 1 hivi rafiki yangu china ni mbali kweli
MLEVI 2 sidhani mbona pale kazin kuna mchina anakuja na baiskeli
😆😆😆😆😆
😂😂😂😂😂😂
😂😂 kweli nimeamin mitandao inahribu watu
Leo kuna jamaa kamuona Dada akipita barabaran kapendeza jamaa kamwendea Dada akamwambia!
Dada nice photo 😂😂😂😂
Ticha: Wa kwanza kujibu swali langu ataenda Home mapema..
John kusikia hivyo….Karusha begi la daftari nje…..`
`Ticha akauliza: Nani karusha begi nje!?!`*
`John: Mimi….. Kwa herii Mwalimu……` 😂😂,😂😂
Boy:- baby ivi nikifa utakuja msibani?
Girl:-ntakuja ukinitumia nauli.
Hapo ndo unagundua kuwa sio kila omba omba yuko barabarani.
🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤔
Mume akamwambia mke wake:
“Funga macho yako tufanye maombi”
Akaanza kwa Kimombo:-
“… Lord I pray for Grace, I pray for Mercy, I pray 4 Joy, I pray 4 Love, I pray 4 Hope, I pray 4 GLORY, I pray 4 Faith, I pray 4….”
Mke akadakia, “Unadhani mimi sina ee” akaanza:-
I pray 4 Felix, I pray 4 Temu, I pray 4 Rweyemamu, I pray 4 Masawe, I pray 4 Benson, I pray 4 Onyango, I pray 4 Swai, I pray kwa wote niliowasahau!!
Chezea mchepuko…!!
Mke ni kama Tv na Mchepuko ni kama Simu.
Nyumbani unaangalia Tv lakini ukitoka unatoka na simu.
Mara chache unafurahia Tv lakini Muda mrefu unacheza na simu yako.
Tv ni bure kwa maisha yako yote, lakini Simu kama hujalipia hupati huduma.
Tv ni kubwa nzito na wakati wote ni ya zamani. Lakini simu ni nzuri, nyembamba, na ni rahisi kubeba.
Gharama za huduma za tv ni ndogo sana, Lakini gharama za huduma za Simu ni kubwa na pia ni lazima kuzitimiza.
Tv ina remote lakini Simu haina.
Kitu muhimu zaidi simu ina njia mbili za kuwasiliana unaongea na unasikiliza lakini Tv unalazimika kusikiliza hata kama hutaki au unataka.
Unaweza kununua Tv mara moja na ukatumia kwa kipindi kirefu lakini Simu mara zote unabadilisha inategemea na fasheni.
Ya mwisho na ya kuzingatia
Tv haina Virusi lakini Simu inayo.
KUWA MAKINI.
Polisi::: hodi, hodi
Jamaa::: kimya
Polisi::: hodi, hodi
Jamaa::: we nani kwani?
Polisi::: sisi polisi
Jamaa::: mnataka nini?
Polisi::: kuongea na wewe
Jamaa::: kuongea na mimi?!
Polisi::: ndio
Jamaa::: mko wangapi?
Polisi::: tuko watatu
Jamaa::: kama mko watatu si muongee wenyewe…!!!
UNAMNG’ANG’ANIZA MPENZI WAKO AKUWEKE KWNY PROFILE PICHA MLOPIGA PAMOJA
HIVI ULIDHANI MWL.NYERERE ALISHINDWA KUKAA NA MKEWE MARIA KWNY NOTI YA BUKU
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Acha Usumbufu…..
🐀 🐀 🐀 Panya watatu walikua wakibishana nani Ni noma zaidi
Panya 1: jamani mimi ni noma Wiki hii nimekula rat rat(sumu ya panya) mara tatu na sijadedi !!!
Panya 2 Wewe unasema nini, mimi nimekula nyama ikiwa
kwa mtego mara 5 nasijawahi dakwa
RAT 3 Mmemaliza? Mie hata sijui mnabishana nini? Mimi hii mimba niliyo nayo ni ya paka !!!
Panya WA 1 na 2 wakazimia😆😆😆😆😆
Panya wa 3 huwa hapendi ujinga kabisa
1. Maswali haya je una majibi? JIBU KISHA NITUMIE MAJIBU![mtihani wa maarifa ya dunia]1. Kama hela haioti kwny miti, kwnn bank zina matawi?
2. Kwnn gundi haigandi kwenye chupa yake?
3. Kama tunatakiwa tusi-drive wkt tumekunywa, kwnn bar kuna parking?
4. Kama neno abbreviation linamaanisha ufupisho, kwnn lenyewe ni refu hvo?
5. Kama tunatakiwa kufanya sex ndani ya ndoa 2, kwnn tunabalehe kabla ya kufunga ndoa? Kazi kwako…
2.Taxi Mwanamke aliingia kwnye tax akiwa hana nguo,km alivyozaliwa!Dereva akawa anamshangaa,mwanamke akamuuliza hujawahi kuona uchi au! Dereva akajibu.ninachoshangaa c uchi wako,najiuliza pesa ya kunilipa utakuwa umeiweka wapi?
3.Siri Baba: mwanangu, enhe shika hii 500Tsh usimuambie mama yako kuwa nimelala na housegirl. Mtoto: sitaki, tatizo we baba ni mbahiri sana mwenzio mama akilala na dereva ananipaga 1,000Tsh.
4.Tendo la ndoa TENDO LA NDOA LINAVYOOMBWA:
WAMASAI: Mama Yeyo nipe ile kitu namesa mwensake
WAHAYA: Mama Koku infacti njoo tuperform
WACHAGA: Mama Manka Fungua Kibubu nitupe shilingi
WAPEMBA: Mama Ali panua paja mti waja!
WAZARAMO(hamna tafsida)andaa k*#, m*$$ yaja
5.Short na Long Call Kama haja ndogo ni ”short call” Haja kubwa ni “long call” Basi kujamba iitwe “missed call”
6.Heshima Mtoto kaona nyeti ya baba yake, Akauliza “nini hii”? Baba,akajibu “ni Heshima”, kesho yake wakaja wageni, baba akamwambia mtoto, “toa heshima kwa wageni”, mtoto akatoa Nyeti yake, akaonesha, wageni wakashangaa! mtoto akasema “mnashangaa haka kadogo, baba anayo heshima kubwaaa……!
7.Kurudi shule Mtoto kamuuliza babake; ” Eti baba, Unataka kuanza tena shule? Baba akauliza: “kwa nini Umeuliza hivyo? Mtoto akamwambia: Jana uthiku, nilickia ukimnong’oneza mama” Eti, kama anapenda, Muende la pili..! ” Hivi Baba mimi niko la nne wewe na mama itakuwaje mwende la pili? Uthikubali hata kdogo”
8.Mchaga. Mchaga alipata ajali alipozinduka pale hospitali akauliza “nipo wapi hapa?” Nesi akajibu,”umepata ajali, hapa upo hospitali. Bahati mbaya umekatika mkono.” Mgonjwa: Na je saa yangu ipo wapi ya Rolex? Ipo mzee, nesi alijibu. Nesi: Mkeo na watoto wapo hapa kukufariji. Mgonjwa: Yeuwi… Wamefunga duka?
9. Kimombo na sms Jamaa katumiwa msg na dem wake,kutokana na urefu wa msg ikashindwa kufika yote mwishoni ikaandika’some text missing’jamaa kizungu hajui hivyo maneno ya mwisho hakuelewa maana yake lkn akahisi litakuwa neno la kimahaba,kusudi aonekane mjanja akajibu, “some text missing too dear”
10.Vibweka vya housegirl Mama mwenye nyumba “jamani nyie watoto wa nyumba hii, vijiti vya meno nimeleta juzi tu leo vimeisha?” Ndipo hoousgirl akadakia na kusema “mama mimi simo humo maana kila nikitumia nikimaliza tu navirudishiaga humo humo.”
Jamaa kaingia Bar;
Jamaa: Muhudumu, nipe kinywaji na mpe kila mtu humu ndani kinywaji, maana wakati napata kinywaji lazima kila mtu apate kinywaji. Haraka sana muhudumu akagawa vinywaji,
Jamaa: Muhudumu nipe supu na kila mtu humu ndani mpe supu maana ninapokunywa supu kila mtu lazima anywe supu. Watu wakapewa supu tena safari hii wakapiga makofi.
Jamaa: Muhudumu nipe bili, na kila mtu humu ndani mpe bili maana wakati nalipa bili yangu kila mtu lazima alipe yake. Zogo lilianzia hapo…….
JAMAA alimuaga mke wake mlokole kuwa anaenda semina ya siku tatu, kumbe anakwenda kwa bi mdogo.
Mke akamwambia mumewe; “Tupige magoti tusali”,
Wakapiga magoti…:
MKE: Eee baba msaidie mume wangu afike salama safari yake.
MUME: Emen…
MKE: Mpe nguvu katika yote atakayoyafanya huko.
MUME: Emen…
MKE: Akitaka kufanya uasherati ashindwe.
MUME: Kimya…
MKE: Akifanya uasherati apatwe na janga baya kwa uwezo wako bwana.
MUME: …….!!
MKE: Yaani akifanya uasherati afie hukohuko kwa mateso makali.
MUME: Maombi gani sasa hayo!!?. Haya basi siendi semina ufurahi wewe.
Chezea mawaifu walokole wewe!
*Mchaga mmoja kamtoa mke wake out.*
*mchaga* : _chips yai bei gani?_
*mhudumu*: _elfu 2_
*mchaga* : _zina kachumbari?_
*mhudumu*: _ndio!_
*mchaga*: _kachumbari mnauzaje?_
*mhudumu*: _kachumbari ni bure._
*mchaga*: _ok basi naomba kachumbari sahani mbili, chips ziache tuuu_.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 _SIPENDI UJINGA MIMI_💥
Hey there! 😄
I’m so happy you’re here! 🥳
If you’re enjoying yourself, please leave a comment💬.
I’d love to hear from you! 💬❤️
Your Friend, Melkisedeck Leon Shine
Welcome to AckySHINE Ministries, where our mission is to illuminate lives with the light of Christian faith.
AckySHINE charity is a program for humanitarian campaigns and aid aimed at promoting peace and unity, protecting the environment, and maintaining the health and development of individuals and the community as a whole. These campaigns are advertised through ackyshine.com.
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