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Angalia huyu baba alichowafanya mtoto wake wa kike na boyfriend wake

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BABA OYEEEEEE💪💪
Soma hii…

Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANA friend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambia hivi:-

MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor

MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o

MSICHANA: Aaah! Hicho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie

MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.

MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe

Baba mtu akawatazama kisha akasema

BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli

MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana yupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!

BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatia na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!

Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GET PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED” by Wole Soyinka.

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MAJIBU YA MAKONDA WA DALADALA ZETU GONGOLAMBOTO HUKU

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1. wewe Dada unaturingia nini na matiti yako mawili , mbwa pia ana matiti nane na haturingii eboo !!!!

2. Ka wafikiri Una haraka sana Shuka ukimbie.

3. Nauli kulipa lazima ,Chenji ukikumbuka.

4. Kutapika ndani ndani ya Daladala fain 250/= ,ukijamba pia 250/= ,Sasa jamba tukujue viti vina alarm!…

5.Hatujasema wewe ni Mnene ila Ukikalia SITI mbili Lipia….

6. Hio Elfu kumi yako nenda nunua avocado upake alafu uteleze hadi posta ,nauli ya daladala ni 350/=.

7. usifungue dirisha ungetaka upepo ungepanda pikipiki..

8. wewe Dada hebu sogea hukoo, Unaringa nini wakati asubuhi hii umeoga na sabuni ya kuoshea vyombo…

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Angalia huyu mgeni anachokifanya, wageni wengine ni hatari

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Hata kama ni Mgeni this is too much.
Mwenyeji: Karibu mgeni karibu ukae,utapenda chai au soda?
Mgeni: Nipe nianze na soda wakati chai inachemka.
Mwenyeji: Utakunywa fanta au sprite?
Mgeni: Nipe fanta wakati sprite inapoa.
Mwenyeji: Utakunywa na keki au mkate?
Mgeni: Nipe keki mkate nitanywea chai ikishachemka.
Mwenyeji: Utapendelea ndiz au machungwa,
Mgeni: Nipe machungwa ndizi ntakula na wali
mchana.
Chezea mgeni ww.!!!

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Sababu ya jamaa kujiita fara ugenini

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MZEE:”sasa huyu mgeni sijui alale wap?”
MKE:”saa hizi ni usiku akalale na Bebi.”
jamaa akaona huyo Bebi pengne mtoto anakojoa kitandani au akalia asije msumbua usiku
JAMAA:”msipate tabu mi ntalala hapa kwenye kochi” akalala
asubh wanakunywa chai akaibuka mrembo,jamaa akapigwa bumbuwazi almanusra ajimwagie chai.
BINTI:”Naitwa BEBI,we unaitwa nani?”
Jamaa akasema mimi naitwa Fara…..!

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Angalia mchezo wa kutuma message mara zikubali mara zikatae.. Lilishakukuta hili???

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GARLFREND»»hellow sweetheart

BOYFREND»»hellow darling(SENDING FAILED)

GARLFREND»»kwanin hutaki kujibu sms yangu,au huna mda»??

BOYFREND»>najitahid kukujibu lakin mtandao unasumbua,imefika??(SENDING FAILED)

GARLFREND»»kama hunipend bhas usinijbu,kama unanipenda kwel bhas nijibu

BOYFREND»»i love you (SENDING FAILED)
GALFREND»»do you lov me????

BOYFREND»»i lov you baby(SENDING FAILED)

GARLFREND»»usiongee na mimi tenaaaaa

BOYFREND»»i love you sweetieeee(SENDING FAILED)

GARLFREND»»unataka mim na wew tuachaneee????

BOYFREND»»nshachoka mie na huu upUmbavu,shenz (MESSAGE SENT)

👆👆👆👆👆😄😄😄😄😄😄😄😄👆👆👆👆😄😄😄😄👆👆😄😄👆👆

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Huyu mchaga kazidi sasa, angalia anavyomfanya huyu mbuzi

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Mchaga alinunua mbuzi akamwambia mpishi Nyama nusu ipike pilau na ingine itie kwenye friza. Kichwa fanya supu, miguu fanya mchuzi chukuchuku. Ngozi usitupe tutafanya mswala, utumbo pikia ndizi na mifupa tutawauzia wenye mbwa. Kinyesi kihifadhi kwa mbolea ya bustani.

Mpishi akamuuliza Hutaki na sauti ya mbuzi tufanye ring tone kwenye simu yako? Mchaga akajibu Yesuu! hivi inawezekana? bac fanya hivyo tuwauzie na wengine hiyo ringtone. Chezeya mchaga!

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Alichofanya mke baada ya mme wake kupenda kumchunga sana

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Alifanya hivi;
Siku ya kwanza

MUME: Halooo vipi mke wangu salama weye?.
MKE: Salama tu
MUME: Uko wapi?
MKE: Jamani si niko nyumbani
MUME: Mhh kama kweli uko nyumbani washa blender nisikie…..mke­ akawasha blender
MKE: Umesikia?
MUME: Okay haya mi natoka kazini naja

Siku ya pili
MUME: Vipi mko salama huko?
MKE: Tupo kama ulivyotuacha
MUME: kwani uko wapi?
MKE: Niko nyumbani napika
MUME: Washa brender kama kweli uko nyumbani
Mke akawasha blender
MKE: Umesikia?
MUME: Poa ntarudi baada ya masaa mawili

Siku sita baadae mume akaamua kurudi bila kumtaarifu mkewe alipofika home kamkuta mdada wa kazi yuko peke yake.
MUME: We mama yako yuko wapi?
MDADA: Sijui ameondoka na blender toka asubuhi

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Mlevi kazua tafrani, angalia alichokifanya hapa

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MLEVI mmoja aliingia baa akavuta kiti na kukaa mhudumu akatokea kumsikiliza.
MHUDUMU: Nikusaidie nini?
MLEVI: Eeh! nipe bia ya baridi kisaha wasikilize wote waliokaa hapa, wape bia na wao maana sipendi kunywa pombe wengine wananiangalia
Akaja mhudumu wa jikoni “nikusaidie nini?”

MLEVI: Niletee supu kisha wasikilize wote waliokaa hapa na wao wape supu sipendi kunywa supu watu wananiangalia
Safari hii watu wakapiga makofi
Baadae akamuita mhudumu
MLEVI: Niandikie bili zangu kisha waandikie wote bili zao sipendi kulipa huku watu wananiangalia

Wale wateja wakamvaa na kumshushia kichapo… teh teh teh teh teh hii kali hakuna cha bure mjini hahahaha na jasho la mtu haliliwi wandugu

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Hii ndiyo sababu ya kumfanya huyu jamaa kujiita fara

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MZEE:”sasa huyu mgeni sijui alale wap?”
MKE:”saa hizi ni usiku akalale na Bebi.”
jamaa akaona huyo Bebi pengne mtoto anakojoa kitandani au akalia asije msumbua usiku

JAMAA:”msipate tabu mi ntalala hapa kwenye kochi” akalala
asubh wanakunywa chai akaibuka mrembo,jamaa akapigwa bumbuwazi almanusra ajimwagie chai.
BINTI:”Naitwa BEBI,we unaitwa nani?”
Jamaa akasema mimi naitwa Fara…..!

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Angalia huyu jamaa anavyojiona msomi, huyu kamuotea, hapa amekwama

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USIJIONE MJUAJI SAAAA…NA.
Jamaa kamaliza chuo anarudi nyumbani kwa wazee, kufika
nyumbani.

kwa furaha waliopata wazazi, mama aliamua
kurosti kuku WAWILI(2) kwa ajili yao.
Mezani jamaa akataka kuwadhihirishia kuwa yeye ni msomi,
akawaambia “hawa kuku unaona wako wawili ila kwa kutumia
sheria za arthematic na geometric kuna kuku watatu mezani”
mama”hee embu tuoneshe mwanangu”
jamaa akachukua kuku ya kwanza akainua juu “ngapi?”
wazazi”moja” akainua wa pili “ngapi?” wazazi “mbili”
akawarudisha akisema”wazee wangu nadhani japo shule
hamkwenda ila mnajua moja+mbili=tatu so tuna kuku watatu
mezani”
baba”mmh kweli mwanangu umesoma. SASA TUFANYE IVI
MIMI NACHUKUA KUKU MOJA NA MAMA YAKO WA PILI WE
UTAKULA UYO WA TATU ULIYOSEMA”

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Nani Mkali Hapa kati ya DEMU na MSHIKAJI?

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“MAENEO FLANI ya KISHUA”

-Mshikaji kamwona demu mkali
anakatiza kitaa akamkubali akaamua
amfuate amtemee cheche

MSHIKAJI- mambo dada?

DEMU- pouwa

MSHIKAJI-
umependezaa!!!

DEMU- asante.

MSHIKAJI- unaweza ukanisaidia
namba
yako ya simu……..
maana duh
nmekukubali
kinyama.

Demu baada ya kuambiwa vile
akazama kwenye pochi lake akatoa
noti ya
sh.10000 akaandika namba yake
kwenye
noti akampa mshikaji.

Mshikaji kapokea ile noti kachana
sehem
iliyoandikwa namba halafu
kamrudishia
Demu noti yake..!!!

NANI ANA DHARAU
NA NANI JEURI..
DEMU AU MSHIKAJI??!

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Unakumbuka hizi enzi za utoto?

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Kitambo tukiwa watoto ulikuwa unaitwa uje ule kwa lugha tofauti kulingana na chakula kilichopikwa siku na muda husika

1. UGALI NA KUNDE
Mwitaji : 🗣Joniiiii
Mwitikiaji : Eeeh
Mwitaji : Uje ukule

2. UGALI NA SAMAKI
Mwitaji: 🗣 we Joniiii
Mwitikiaji : Eeeh
Mwitaji : Unaitwa na Mama

3. WALI NA NYAMA/KUKU
Mwitaji: 🗣 Joniiii
Mwitikiaji : Eeeh
Mwitaji : Shauri yako!
😂😂😂😂😂😂

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