What runs but never walks?
Q: What runs but never walks? 🏃♀️
A: A nose! 👃
Explanation: A nose "runs" in the sense that it produces a runny nose when someone is sick, but it never actually "walks" because, well, noses don’t have legs! 😄
1000+ Best Jokes That You Will Find Absolutely Hilarious, By Melkisedeck Leon Shine
What did the paper clip say to the magnet?
Short Answer: "You’re attractive, let’s stick together! 💖"
Explanation: The paper clip is making a playful pun by referring to the magnet as "attractive," which could mean both physically appealing and having the ability to attract objects. By saying "let’s stick together," the paper clip is referring to how magnets attract objects, but also humorously suggesting a desire for a close relationship with the magnet. The use of the 💖 emoji adds a cheerful and affectionate tone to the conversation, making it funny and lighthearted.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A: A stick! 🌳🚫🔄
Explanation:
You see, a boomerang is known for its unique ability to return to the person who threw it. But if it doesn’t come back, well, it’s just a plain old stick! No fancy aerodynamics or magical powers. Just a simple stick that you can use for other things, like playing fetch with a dog or pretending to be a wizard with a wand. So, next time you encounter a boomerang that refuses to come back, just remember, it’s just a stick keeping its distance from the boomerang club! 😄🪓🌪️
What has 18 legs and catches flies?
Short Answer: A soccer team of spiders! 🕷️⚽️
Explanation: The riddle asks what has 18 legs and catches flies, so the humorous answer suggests a soccer team made up of spiders. Spiders are known for having eight legs each, so if we imagine a whole team of them playing soccer, they would have a combined total of 18 legs. And since spiders are great at catching flies, it adds a playful twist to the riddle. The emoji of a spider and a soccer ball further enhances the humor and adds a cheerful touch to the response.
What did the students do when their shoelaces got tangled together?
Short Answer: They formed a shoelace conga line and danced their way out of the tangle! 💃😂
Explanation: When the students’ shoelaces got tangled together, instead of getting frustrated, they decided to embrace the situation and turn it into a fun moment. They came up with the idea of forming a conga line by holding onto each other’s tangled shoelaces and dancing their way out of the mess. This hilarious and creative solution not only helped them untangle their shoelaces but also brought lots of laughter and joy to the situation! 😄🎉
Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
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Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
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I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They’re right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
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I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
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My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can’t help but think, "Well, that’s just shallow advice."
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Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
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I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I’m looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I’ll stick to the gym.
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I went to the doctor’s office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don’t worry, it’s just your conscience." I said, "Well, that’s a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
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I’m terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
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My wife asked me if I think she’s becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can’t foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
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Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
What did the dinner plate say to the cup?
Short Answer: "Don’t mug me, I’m fragile! ☕️🍽️"
Explanation: The dinner plate is jokingly warning the cup not to mug it because it’s delicate and can easily break. The play on words between "mug" (as in to rob) and "cup" adds a humorous twist to the conversation. The use of the coffee cup and dinner plate emoji adds a playful touch to the response.
Why do cowboys ride horses?
Short Answer: 🤠 Because horses refuse to wear cowboy boots! 🐴👢
Explanation: Cowboys ride horses because horses are the only mode of transportation that doesn’t mind walking around without fancy cowboy boots. Horses are loyal companions and prefer to keep their hooves au naturel, making them the perfect steed for a cowboy!👢🐴😄
How do bears keep their den cool in the summer?
Short Answer: They use "polar" bear conditioning! ❄️🐻
Explanation: Bears are known for their thick fur, which may keep them warm in the winter but can also make them feel quite toasty in the summer. However, to combat the heat, bears have their very own version of air conditioning: "polar" bear conditioning! Just like how we humans turn on our AC units during hot weather, bears magically transform their dens into chilly, polar wonderlands to beat the heat. They must have some serious cooling skills! 🌬️😄
What smells the best at Thanksgiving?
The turkey, because it knows how to make everyone go "gobble, gobble"! 🦃👃
Explanation: This funny answer plays on the double meaning of "smells" as both a pleasant aroma and a clever play on words. By suggesting that the turkey smells the best, it adds a humorous twist since turkeys are typically the star of the Thanksgiving feast. The use of the turkey emoji and the phrase "gobble, gobble" further emphasizes the cheerful and lighthearted tone.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
What do you call a fish with no eye?
"Fsh!" 🐠😄
Explanation: A fish with no eye would be called "Fsh" because it sounds like "fish" but without the "i" for eye. This play on words adds a humorous twist, making it a fun and light-hearted response. The fish emoji adds an extra touch of creativity and visual representation to the answer.
What did one piece of string say to the other piece of string?
Short Answer: "Hey buddy, let’s tie the knot!"
Explanation: The joke here plays on the double meaning of "tie the knot." In one sense, it refers to the act of two strings coming together and being tied together. However, it also has a playful reference to the phrase "tying the knot" as a colloquial way of saying getting married. The personification of the strings adds a touch of whimsy to the joke. The use of the emoji adds a cheerful and humorous tone to the answer.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Answer: Shamp-boo! 🧟♂️💆♀️
Explanation: Ghosts use shamp-boo, a spooky shampoo made especially for spectral strands! Since they don’t have physical bodies, they don’t need regular shampoo like us humans do. Instead, they rely on the magically ghostly powers of shamp-boo to keep their ghostly locks looking fabulous. It’s a hair-raising and boo-tiful way to stay clean! 👻💁♂️
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school?
Short Answer: Because he wanted to reach for the highest grades! 🎓💪
Explanation: The boy brought a ladder to school because he was determined to climb his way to the top! Just like how a ladder helps us reach higher places, he believed that with the right tools (and a bit of humor!), he could conquer any academic challenge. Who knows, maybe he even wanted to give his teachers a little surprise by showing up with a ladder in hand! 😄📚
What did the squirrel give for Valentine’s Day?
What did the squirrel give for Valentine’s Day? 🐿️❤️
A nutty love letter! 💌🥜
Explanation:
This funny answer plays on the squirrel’s love for nuts and their habit of hoarding them. Instead of giving a traditional Valentine’s Day gift, the squirrel surprises their partner with a hilarious twist, a heartfelt love letter filled with nutty puns! 🐿️❤️💌🥜
Why couldn’t the pirate play cards?
Short Answer: Because he was standing on the deck!
Explanation: The pirate couldn’t play cards because he was standing on the deck of the ship, which would make it quite challenging to hold onto the cards as they would likely be blown away by the wind. 🃏🏴☠️
Whom did the monster ask to kiss his boo-boos after he fell?
The monster asked the 🧛♂️Dracula🧛♂️ to kiss his boo-boos after he fell! 😂🧛♂️
Explanation:
When the monster fell and hurt himself, he knew that only a magical creature like Dracula could possess the healing powers to kiss away his boo-boos. After all, Dracula is known for his ability to turn into a bat and fly around, so surely he could use his supernatural skills for some tender monster first aid! 😄🦇
What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Nap 😴
Explanation: After indulging in a delicious Thanksgiving feast, a food coma sets in, making us irresistibly sleepy. So, the perfect end to Thanksgiving is a well-deserved nap. 😄🦃
What did the monster ask his sweetheart?
Q: What did the monster ask his sweetheart?
A: "Will you be my boo-tiful forever?" 👻💕
Explanation: This playful question combines the monster’s spooky nature with his affectionate feelings for his sweetheart. The wordplay on "boo-tiful" adds a humorous touch, as monsters often use the term "boo" to scare people. By asking this question, the monster is humorously showing his love and hoping for a forever-lasting relationship with his sweetheart. The ghost emoji 👻 further emphasizes the monster’s charm and adds a delightful twist to the riddle.
Why is 1+1=3 like your left foot?
Short Answer: Because they’re both totally off the mark! 🤪
Explanation: The statement "1+1=3" is mathematically incorrect just like your left foot trying to be your right foot. They both veer away from the expected and conventional norms, causing hilarity in their own unique ways. So, while your left foot may not be able to fit into a right shoe, the equation 1+1 will never equal 3, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise. Let’s embrace the joyful absurdity! 🙃
I’m so happy you’re here! 🥳
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