Kali za leo: Misemo ya kuchekesha na kuvunja mbavu

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1. Ati wee ni m-black mpaka ukiingia kwa dinga(gari), dirisha zinakuwa tinted!

2. Kwenu kuchafu mpaka mende zinatema mate.

3. Vile wewe mfupi, ukipiga picha ya passport inatokea full.

4. Ati(house) yenu ina gate lakini hakuna fence.

5. Baba alienda ku buy ngombe akaona ikikojoa akasema sitaki hiyo imetoboka.

6.Wee mblack mpaka ukikutana na mzungu afternoon anakusalimia: Good evening.

7. Mko wengi kwa house mpaka kuna rush hours na kukinyesha kunakuwa na jam.

8. Paka yenu noma mpaka ikishika panya inaomba chumvi, fork na pilipili.

9. We ni mrefu mpaka ukikunywa maziwa inafika kwa tumbo ikiwa mgando.

10.Wewe ni mweusi ukikanyanga makaa unawacha footprint nyeusi.

11. Kwenyu mkikunywa maji mnaitisha toothpick

12. We ni mbishi hadi ulikataa kuzaliwa uchi

13. Kwenu kuna insecurity ikifika usiku hadi geti mnaingiza ndani

14. Kwenu ni wengi sana hadi mmeweka round about ndani.

15. Wewe ni mlafi hadi maji uliyochemshia mayai unayafanya supu.

16. We ni mjinga sana hadi blood test ulifeli.

17. Una chogo refu hadi ukigeuka haraka unaweza kuliona.

18. Una kichwa kikubwa hadi ukiingia kwenye daladala konda anakwambia “abiria usiingie na mizigo, tunaweka juu kwenye carrier

236 thoughts on “Kali za leo: Misemo ya kuchekesha na kuvunja mbavu”

    1. Guest

      ABU MAHEMBE
      “utani huu jamaa “alinikuta….
      “nimekaa chini yamti
      “nimeshika soda naiyangalia nataka ninywe akafika nakuninya nganya
      “akanywaa yotee nikamuangaria ”
      “nikaanza kuria “akaniambia
      aaaaa mtani unalia kisa soda nilikuwa nakutania ngoja bas nikakununulie nyingine ” namimi nikamwambia shida sio soda minaona leo nisiku yamajanga “nimenda kazini nimefukuzwa kazi “nimetoka njee gari langu limeibiwa naludi nyumbani ety mkewangu ameniacha “ndo nimeweka sumu kwenye soda ninywe nife2 we umeenda kunywa “nayeye kuckia ivo akazimia alivozinduka namimi nikamwambia aaaaaa mtani unazimia nini namimi nilikuwa nakutania
      akabaki ameduwaa

      Reply
      1. Guest

        ABU MAHEMBE “kunaomba omba “amekuja nyumbani
        “akanikuta mimi ” akaniambia naomba unisaidie kama unahata buku mia amsini mi napokea
        “nikamwambia sina hela “akaniambi nisaidie basi hata nguo sina nguo “nikamwambia sina ” “”akasema nisaidie hata chakula naskia njaa
        “nikamwambia hamna chakula
        “akasema eee braza “unaonaje tuongozane kuomba omba wote mana nawewe nikama mimitu hauna kilakitu duu?jamani naombeni hata buku nimpe aendee ila kwel

        Reply
      2. Guest

        %inagongwa hazarani
        %kira anaejickia huigonga %haina choyo..
        %hutoa mayoe makari %sana unapoigonga
        %paka watoto %wanashangiria
        %haijawahi kuvaa nguo
        %inagongwa sana lakin %haizai mda wote %imeninginizwa angani %kila kipindi hugongwa %namti wachuma
        %nayo sinyingine nikengele yashuleni
        ha ha ha acha ujinga
        ABU MAHEMBE

        Reply
        1. Guest

          upendo ukizidi duu?
          :sikumoja
          :jamaa mwenye watoto wawili alikuwa
          anaeishi namama pamoja nababayake
          :sikumoja
          :IZRA ERI akashuka akamwambia kijana leo nisiku yakufa duniani kati yababa yako au mama unaona nani bora afe jamaa akajibu bora afe baba mara nayeye akafa wakiwa mbinguni wakajikuta wote walio kufa niwanaume yule kijana akauliza maraika mbona nilisema afe baba namimi nimekufa malaika akajibu kwani wewe nimama nawewe simwanaume wote mlokufa apa mlisema bora baba ndo afe ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!ha!ha¡kumpenda mama kukizid niasala

          Reply
    2. Guest

      ABU MAHEMBE
      “we dada njoo njoo nikuto
      nikutongozee unisikilizee
      alafu njoo njoo nikufii
      nikufiikishe kwamama akuoneee
      “usijali napenda kuu
      kuuongea sana
      “nimejaliwa uboo
      uboongo waakili
      hata ukinipa umwo asee utainyoi
      “siombeletu hata nyuma ”
      napitaga mlango wetu wanyuma huwa nawah kufunga
      “nami mwenzako sichagui pakumwaga namwaga moto popote nikimaliza kukuwagaaa
      acheni kumanisha
      hahahahahahahahahaha

      Reply
    3. Guest

      ABU MAHEMBE
      abu boy-
      mashairi muziki
      nambayangu
      ni 0681305278
      |||
      minajua tupowengi tunaosaka shiring ira tukumbuke siwapitanjia nayaona mengi kuyasema siwezi hayamaisha nayopitiaa
      ,hata ingekuwa story haya maishayangu nisingeweza kuaditia unaepitia meng kumbuka kunamungu usisahau kuweka niaa
      tufanyeni yote mabaya mazur ira kwake tutalejeaa mwanamke zaa kwauchungu mwanaume haso ira tukumbuke hiii nidunia
      unashinda kutwa hujamtaja mungu tunasahau letu kudio duniani ametuleta iri tumwabudu ira kwenyepesa tumekimbilia shetani niache nilud kwamungu mimii dhambi najiogopea aisee naokoka naokoka naokokaa|||naokoka naokoka naokokaa|||| naokoka naokoka naokokaa
      ….?

      Reply
      1. Guest

        ABU MAHEMBE
        ikiingia nitam kama asari ikikaa sana inapoteza radha…
        %huwezi kupata “kama hauna pesa
        kira mwenyepesa anatafunatu
        .inaiimgia imesimama wima inatoka imeregea uku inanata nata haina radha tena nayo sinyingine ni jojo bgg
        acha kuwaza ujinga ww
        hahahahaha

        Reply
        1. Guest

          kwaumpendae2
          . +”” ‘ ” “+.+” ” “”+ .
          + MAISHA + + MEMA + + + + + + NI KUPENDANA KUSALIMIANA kukumbukana kusameheana
          *
          *furaha yangu iwe kivuli chako upendo wangu iwe ndovazirako
          nakuombea kwa MUNGU kira atakae kubariki nae abarikiwe kira atakae kulaani nae araniwe
          dunia inawatu weng ira wenye utu niwachache sana kinacho mtamburisha mtu sio jinarake wara sura yake wala uzur wake kinacho mtambulisha mtu ni
          *tabia nzur
          *kaur nzur
          *ustarabu
          *uskivu
          nipende nikupende dunia tunapita pesa wachie wao upendo nipe mimi wp imeandikwa mwanaume ndo awe napesatu hata mwanamke inatakiwa nae awe napesa ira mbona mimi nimekupenda japokuwa hauna pesa
          ILOVYOU MI

          NIYULE YULE TAJIRI WAUPENDO
          MASKINI
          WACHUKI
          ABU MAHEMBE BY ME
          0681305278
          mesege tochat

          Reply
          1. Guest

            ||””””””””””””””””””””””””””””””
            ||onyo usizime taa .*.
            ||yamwenzako
            ||huweenda kunasiku
            ||utahitaji mwanga wake
            ||wewe utakapokuwa ||gizani
            ||abu by
            “”””””””””””””””””””””””””””””

          2. Guest

            :nyie wadada mnao semaga wanaume wote nimmbwa nababayako mzazi nimbwa au yeye so mwanaume hahahaha nasisi wanaume tunaosemaga wanawake wote hawana akili mamayako yeye so mwanamke mhh tubadilisheni lugha jamani

      2. Guest

        WOYOOOOOOOOOOO “wasomi mpo
        “kunaswali apa atake “atakaeweza kujibu ” “kunavocha ya 2000/=
        %swali
        “mke wakipofu “Anatembea nakiziwi
        “naanae ijuwa siri hiyo “nibubu ” “je? “bubu “atawezaje kuitoa siri hiyo kwakipofu “ingarikuwa hajui kusoma wara kuwandika “nahatoi sauti fowadiya “nawengine paka tupate “jibu apa
        ABU MAHEMBE ME by 0678 1305 278

        Reply
    4. Guest

      ABU MAHEMBE
      %kweli ubishi@sio mzur
      “nacheo sio tishio
      “waziri mmoja arienda ” “kwenye mradi wanyuki naasari kufika getini “mrinzi akamzuiya akamwambia haruhusiwi mtu kuingia kwasasa “wazir akafoka “nakusema kwani haujui mininani huku anamwonesha kitambulisho
      “mlinzi kwakutii akamruhusu haya ingia mueshimiwa akaingia “baada yamda kidg wazir aliskika akiiita mlinzi mlinzi nyuki wamenivamia “mlinzi akamjibu waoneshe kitambulisho wakujue weninani hahahahahahaha

      Reply
    5. Guest

      1.mbuzi wa maskini hazai
      2.abiria poteza nauli ujue njia zamkato
      3.ukubwa so madaraka hata mlango nimkubwa ira mwenye madalaka kufuri
      4.hata babu alikuwa kijana
      5.mtaji wamaskini nguvuzake mwenyewe
      6.kura iri usife utashibaga mbele
      7.maskini habagui chakula
      8.jogoo washamba hawiki mjini
      9.kuku mgeni hakosi kamba mguni
      10.usishangae mimi kuwa maskini wanoti kashangae makaburini watu wanapandwa rakini hawaoti
      11.alie sema sasampa maskini tunakosa madem uku kira dem toa sasampa
      12.tambua kila lenyemwanzo linamwisho hatamwisho unamwishowake…..?
      NIMIMI HAPA TAJIRI WAUPENDO
      MASKINI WACHUKI BY ME ABU MAHEMBE

      Reply
      1. Guest

        :MASHAIRI:
        mitihani yamungu
        haina..darasa
        nakitabu chashida.
        hakioneshi ukulasa
        mwanadam
        changamoto
        zinatunguza kwaghazabuu!
        wengi wamepotea
        kwaizi shida natabu..
        usitwone kituko
        kama kwako maisha angarau..?
        maskini tunayoyapitia kilasiku twashuka dau… tunayavumilia ayaa maiisha.. ira yanatesa kwazamu
        enjoi leo kunywa bia.. ira tambua maisha daraja ukiskia nyuma geuka
        wakwanza wamwisho wakwanza..
        elewa
        mai shaa aa maisha du! du! du! ddu! maishaaaa hayaa
        maisha oo maishaaa aaa maisha changamoto maishaaa aaa maisha biti|||!!! m m m m maishaaa aaaa maishaa kunamu…..
        nicheki 0681305278
        ABU MAHEMBE ME by

        Reply
      2. Guest

        :MASHAIRI:
        mitihani yamungu
        haina..darasa
        nakitabu chashida.
        hakioneshi ukulasa
        mwanadam
        changamoto
        zinatunguza kwaghazabuu!
        wengi wamepotea
        kwaizi shida natabu..
        usitwone kituko
        kama kwako maisha angarau..?
        maskini tunayoyapitia kilasiku twashuka dau… tunayavumilia ayaa maiisha.. ira yanatesa kwazamu
        enjoi leo kunywa bia.. ira tambua maisha daraja ukiskia nyuma geuka
        wakwanza wamwisho wakwanza..
        elewa
        mai shaa aa maisha du! du! du! ddu! maishaaaa hayaa
        maisha oo maishaaa aaa maisha changamoto maishaaa aaa maisha biti|||!!! m m m m maishaaa aaaa maishaa kunamu…..
        nicheki 0681305278
        ABU MAHEMBE ME by
        MUZIKI

        Reply
        1. Guest

          “.nguvu”.kazi”.yataifa”.
          unalala hadi saa.4

          ndugu mteja kifushi chako cha kulala kimekwisha tafadhar shuka kitandani ujiunge na kifushi chakufanya kazi kwaofazaidi piga *mswaki#
          1.nawa uso
          2.kunywa chai
          3.piga mazoezi
          4.kazi yaleo
          kwamaelezo zaidi pg.0681305278 kunijulia hali
          kwamaelezo zaidi wasiliana nandugu jamaa namarafiki
          abu ee by
          acheni uvivu

          Reply
      3. Guest

        .”.”> <".". .".".". .".".". .".".".".". .".".".".". ."."."."."." ".".".".".".¡ /..../_\_\_ _/_/_ \....\ WAWILI WAKIPENDANA ADUI HANA NAFASI

        Reply
      1. Guest

        ,stor yangu
        kitaani kwetu kulikuwa nadem nampend sana ira kila nikimfata ananikataa kwavile nimaskini et tampa nini
        siku moja
        katika pita pita zangu nikaona kitamba kichafu kimefungwa fungwa vizuri watu wanakipita wanaenda wanakipit wanaenda mimi nilivokiona nikaona kama kunakitu ndani yakile kitambaa nilikuwa nimevaa nguo chafu sana maisha yangu yalikuwa dolo niko nazurula maeneo yasokoni nikainama nakukiogoa kile kitambaa watu wananishanga vp yule amekuwa chizi mimi kukifungua ivi kile kitambaa nikakuta pande ladhahabu nikatoka mbio kuelekea nyumba watu ndo wakanza amekuwa chiz chiz mana nilikimbia mwendo wangili mkia juu nilipofika hom nikapitiliza mbele kuiyuza nikaludi nyumbani namabod gad nagar kar nasut kali nadereva anaeniendesha
        nabrufukes yahela bodi gadi akafungua mlango nikashuka namiwani mikali nasut nakiatu chabei uku nimeshika brufukes yapesa…?
        PATI2 INAKUJA TUJUE IRIKUWAJE itafute pati tu umu umu ujue ilikuwaje hi nipati.1

        Reply
        1. Guest

          pati2 story yangu
          yaa uku nimeshika ile brufukesi yapesa nalinga nikikumbuka shida nilizopitia madem wananizarau natamba vibaya nikiwa pale yule dem alie nikataaga akaja kwaharaka hakunijua akawa anawambia marafikizake duu ningepataga mwanaume kama huyu ila micjui namkos wanaume wote wanaonifata nimaskini2 wakutupwa apo hajajua kama uyo anaemzungumzia nimimi alienikataaga kisa nimaskini ndo marafikizake wakamwambia ww sulisemaga alikutongoza mkubali yule dem akajibu nani siyule mkaka ndo akajua kama nimimi apo nisha kuwa tajir wakutupwa sielewi nimenunua nyumba yaghorofa namagar.5 yakifahari alafu bado namipesa shazi yule dem alipojua nimimi akanita abuu nakupenda mimi nikamwangalia nikamjibu umenipenda kwavile umeona nahela nikamsonya kwazalau alafu nikamuamulu bodigad anifungulie mlango wagar nisepe zangu ile nageuka ningie kwenyegari nikaskia mtu ananipiga kofi lamgongo weeABU amka twende shamba ety kumbe mda wote uwo nilikuwa naota mama ndo ananiamsha asubuh twende shamba aaaaah ira ndoto
          (0681305278)

          Reply
      2. Guest

        *TANGAZO RAKIFO tunasikitika kutangaza kifo chabwana ugari
        kilichotokea saa7 mchana mazishi yatafanyika tumboni namaziko yatafanyika choni habar hizi zimfikie mwiko mkaa nakuni popote pale walipo alieuwa nimkono

        Reply
    7. Guest

      singeri, ?¿
      mhh iri goma noma. make kwanza ncheke watoto waefumbili mbona hawaelewekiiooo ooo ooo
      hawazeeki??bit????
      hawazeeki??bit???? hawazeeki??bit????
      hawazeeki
      aaoooo oooo oooo
      myaka yote watoto paka lini..watoto waefumbili hamzeki nyinyi
      au ndo stendi mpya myaka yote..so yazamanii
      kunakigoma mtaa fulanii wanasuta watoto waefumbiliaoo bichikoko mara sinza kula nyama watoto waefumbiliaoo hawataki swaga kipenda roho chao mane watoto aoo kila kona mitandaon wametrend watoto aoo wana myaka namyaka kwaniniwao hawazeeki watoto aoo oooo ooo hawazeeki??biti?? hawazeeki??biti??
      hawazeeki??biti??
      …..?jamani huu niwimbo wasinger nimeuwandika mimi apa
      ABU MAHEMBE ila sijapata sapoti atakaekuwa tayarikunisapoti nicheki 0681305278 nikumalizie mistar kibao kinaitwa hawazeeki2
      hairuhusiwi kukopi bira lizaa yangu asante

      Reply
    8. Guest

      singeri, ?¿
      mhh iri goma noma. make kwanza ncheke watoto waefumbili mbona hawaelewekiiooo ooo ooo
      hawazeeki??bit????
      hawazeeki??bit???? hawazeeki??bit????
      hawazeeki
      aaoooo oooo oooo
      myaka yote watoto paka lini..watoto waefumbili hamzeki nyinyi
      au ndo stendi mpya myaka yote..so yazamanii
      kunakigoma mtaa fulanii wanasuta watoto waefumbiliaoo bichikoko mara sinza kula nyama watoto waefumbiliaoo hawataki swaga kipenda roho chao mane watoto aoo kila kona mitandaon wametrend watoto aoo wana myaka namyaka kwaniniwao hawazeeki watoto aoo oooo ooo hawazeeki??biti?? hawazeeki??biti??
      hawazeeki??biti??
      …..?jamani huu niwimbo wasinger nimeuwandika mimi apa
      ABU MAHEMBE ila sijapata sapoti atakaekuwa tayarikunisapoti nicheki 0681305278 nikumalizie mistar kibao kinaitwa hawazeeki2
      hairuhusiwi kukopi bira lizaa yangu asante

      Reply
    9. Guest

      singeri, ?¿
      mhh iri goma noma. make kwanza ncheke watoto waefumbili mbona hawaelewekiiooo ooo ooo
      hawazeeki??bit????
      hawazeeki??bit???? hawazeeki??bit????
      hawazeeki
      aaoooo oooo oooo
      myaka yote watoto paka lini..watoto waefumbili hamzeki nyinyi
      au ndo stendi mpya myaka yote..so yazamanii
      kunakigoma mtaa fulanii wanasuta watoto waefumbiliaoo bichikoko mara sinza kula nyama watoto waefumbiliaoo hawataki swaga kipenda roho chao mane watoto aoo kila kona mitandaon wametrend watoto aoo wana myaka namyaka kwaniniwao hawazeeki watoto aoo oooo ooo hawazeeki??biti?? hawazeeki??biti??
      hawazeeki??biti??
      …..?jamani huu niwimbo wasinger nimeuwandika mimi apa
      ABU MAHEMBE ila sijapata sapoti atakaekuwa tayarikunisapoti nicheki 0681305278 nikumalizie mistar kibao kinaitwa hawazeeki2
      hairuhusiwi kukopi bira lizaa yangu asante

      Reply
    10. Guest

      mwanaume mtu akikwambia awa watoto wote umewazaa ww unamjibuje? ety ao watoto umewazalia wapi umewazalia kwenye nini ashawahi kukuona wapi unazaa ulishawah kubeba mimba ivi mwanaume anaza au anazalisha
      kwel ww niwakuzaa nakwanini ww duu! ira kaur zingine
      waTanzania zinatuchosha 0681305278 bles me abu ee by

      Reply

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