Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Aziza (Guest) on May 15, 2017
I dusted once. It came back. I’m not falling for that again. 🧹😆
Shamsa (Guest) on May 10, 2017
Why don’t bananas ever get lonely? They hang out in bunches! 🍌👯♂️
Edith Cherotich (Guest) on May 6, 2017
I’m so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed. 😴😄
Hellen Nduta (Guest) on April 22, 2017
I don't sweat—I sparkle! ✨😅
Victor Kamau (Guest) on April 16, 2017
I’m on a roll today. I ate 12 rolls. 🍞😂
Lucy Mahiga (Guest) on April 9, 2017
I put the 'pro' in procrastination. 🏆😴
Maneno (Guest) on March 31, 2017
I'm on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle. 🍰😂
Amir (Guest) on March 30, 2017
😄 Nailed it!
Mwafirika (Guest) on March 2, 2017
Wow, this joke is a total winner! 🏆
Ann Wambui (Guest) on February 23, 2017
😆 I’m bookmarking this for later!
Victor Kamau (Guest) on February 23, 2017
Hilarious! This one’s going into my favorites! 😄
Patrick Kidata (Guest) on February 22, 2017
😂 I need to save this one forever!
David Nyerere (Guest) on February 1, 2017
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort. 🏰🤣
Paul Ndomba (Guest) on January 29, 2017
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Stop going in circles! ✏️📏
Ruth Wanjiku (Guest) on January 19, 2017
🤣 This one got me good!
Kijakazi (Guest) on January 17, 2017
This joke just turned my whole mood around! 😃
Irene Makena (Guest) on January 5, 2017
I like to pretend my dog understands me better than most humans. 🐕💬
Mhina (Guest) on December 22, 2016
What’s the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has the most stories! 📚🏢
Jaffar (Guest) on December 14, 2016
What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me! 🍽️🍽️
Sekela (Guest) on December 9, 2016
My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance. 👀🧹
Samuel Omondi (Guest) on December 1, 2016
How does a taco say grace? Lettuce pray! 🌮🙏
Josephine Nekesa (Guest) on November 29, 2016
When nothing goes right, go left. ⬅️💡
Mwanaisha (Guest) on November 26, 2016
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up! 🛝🤣
Joseph Njoroge (Guest) on November 23, 2016
I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way. 😖🛋️
Mchuma (Guest) on November 12, 2016
I need a six-month vacation, twice a year. 🏝️🕶️
Victor Kamau (Guest) on November 8, 2016
What did the judge say when the skunk walked into the court? Odor in the court! 🦨⚖️
Nancy Kawawa (Guest) on November 7, 2016
Why did the frog sit on the computer? To hop on the internet! 🐸💻
Abdullah (Guest) on November 5, 2016
😂 I haven’t laughed this hard in a while!
Benjamin Masanja (Guest) on October 21, 2016
Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go! 🎈❄️
Mzee (Guest) on October 17, 2016
My diet for today: 1% food, 99% excuses. 🍩🙃
Henry Mollel (Guest) on October 16, 2016
Why was the math teacher always so suspicious? She knew something didn’t add up! ➕🤨
Violet Mumo (Guest) on October 14, 2016
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite! ⛄🧛♂️
Fadhila (Guest) on October 11, 2016
If I had a dollar for every time I thought about eating, I’d be rich... and probably still hungry. 🍕💵
Esther Cheruiyot (Guest) on October 9, 2016
You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza. 🍕🤷♂️
Habiba (Guest) on October 6, 2016
What did the grape do when it got stepped on? Nothing but let out a little wine! 🍇🍷
James Mduma (Guest) on September 19, 2016
If I won the award for laziness, I would send someone to pick it up for me. 🏆😴
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on September 19, 2016
Don’t make me adult today. 😬🧸
Margaret Mahiga (Guest) on September 19, 2016
I spend my whole day thinking about food and then I wonder why I’m gaining weight. 🍕😅
Grace Mushi (Guest) on September 13, 2016
Exercise? I thought you said extra fries! 🍟🏋️♀️
Salma (Guest) on September 9, 2016
Why do bananas wear sunscreen? Because they peel! 🍌🌞
Neema (Guest) on September 9, 2016
This joke was on point! Love it! 🎯
Kiza (Guest) on August 25, 2016
The bags under my eyes are Chanel. 👜😂
Mjaka (Guest) on August 15, 2016
🤣 Didn’t see that coming!
Ibrahim (Guest) on August 8, 2016
There’s no 'we' in fries. 🍟🚫
Victor Malima (Guest) on August 3, 2016
What did the duck say when it bought a snack? Put it on my bill! 🦆🍿
David Chacha (Guest) on August 3, 2016
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. 🤷♂️🤔
Arifa (Guest) on July 31, 2016
To err is human, to blame it on someone else shows management potential. 💼🤣
Grace Mligo (Guest) on July 26, 2016
😆 I’m literally in stitches right now!
Latifa (Guest) on July 25, 2016
What’s brown and rhymes with Snoop? Dr. Poop! 💩🎤
Elizabeth Malima (Guest) on July 13, 2016
I’ve got to remember this one for later! 😆
Francis Mrope (Guest) on July 10, 2016
Why buy it for $7 when you can make it yourself with $92 worth of craft supplies? ✂️🧵
Philip Nyaga (Guest) on June 10, 2016
I don’t need a mood ring; I have a face. 😐💬
Alex Nyamweya (Guest) on June 6, 2016
Why don’t birds use Facebook? They already tweet! 🐦🐤
Mwinyi (Guest) on June 4, 2016
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together! 🐧🏠
Maulid (Guest) on June 2, 2016
I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right. 🤷♂️😎
Nancy Kawawa (Guest) on June 2, 2016
Why fall in love when you can fall asleep? 🛌💤
Margaret Anyango (Guest) on May 30, 2016
I can resist anything except temptation. 😈😅
Francis Njeru (Guest) on May 24, 2016
What’s a pig’s favorite karate move? The pork chop! 🐷🥋
Zulekha (Guest) on May 23, 2016
I don’t know how to act my age because I’ve never been this age before. 🤔🎂
Chris Okello (Guest) on May 22, 2016
This joke just made my day—hilarious! 🤣