Comedy Central: 10 Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
Prepare yourself for a wild ride of laughter and hilarity as we dive into the world of Comedy Central and explore the top 10 jokes that are guaranteed to leave you rolling on the floor, clutching your stomach, and begging for mercy.
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything! Well, technically speaking, they do make up, well, everything. But hey, who needs trust when you have a good punchline?
I asked the librarian if they had any books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you!" Classic librarian humor, always keeping us on our toes. You never know when a book might just sneak up on you.
I was in a band called The Backseats. We were never quite famous, but boy, did we have a lot of fans! They were all just seated behind us, though, so they never actually saw us perform.
My friend keeps saying, "Cheer up, man, it could be worse. You could be stuck underground in a hole full of water." I know he means well, but I can't help but think, "Well, that's just shallow advice."
Last night, I dreamed I was a muffler. I woke up exhausted! Being a muffler is tough work, folks. All that noise and hot air can really take a toll on you.
I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the paint store. The guy there asked me, "Are you looking for something particular?" I said, "Yeah, I'm looking to drop a few pounds." He handed me a bucket of white paint. Thanks, buddy, but I think I'll stick to the gym.
I went to the doctor's office the other day and told him, "Doctor, I keep hearing voices in my head." He replied, "Don't worry, it's just your conscience." I said, "Well, that's a relief. I thought it was my pet parrot practicing ventriloquism."
I'm terrible at math, so my teacher told me to practice counting sheep at night. I tried, but every time I got to three, they all jumped over a fence and ran away.
My wife asked me if I think she's becoming too obsessed with astrology. I replied, "To be honest, babe, I can't foresee that happening." Sometimes, you just need to throw in a pun and hope for the best.
Why don't skeletons fight each other? They don't have the guts! I guess skeletons are more about the funny bone than the actual fighting bone.
There you have it, folks! The top 10 jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone, courtesy of Comedy Central. Remember, laughter is the best medicine, even if it does leave you in stitches from time to time. So, sit back, enjoy, and be prepared to laugh until your sides ache.
Shukuru (Guest) on May 1, 2016
Why donโt crabs give to charity? Because theyโre shellfish! ๐ฆ๐ฐ
Sharifa (Guest) on April 28, 2016
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks. ๐ผ๐ธ
Benjamin Masanja (Guest) on April 12, 2016
I love long walks, especially when theyโre taken by people who annoy me. ๐ถโโ๏ธ๐
Sultan (Guest) on April 11, 2016
How do you organize a space party? You planet! ๐๐
Zubeida (Guest) on March 24, 2016
๐คฃ Sharing this with everyone!
Halimah (Guest) on March 8, 2016
If stress burned calories, Iโd be a supermodel. ๐ฅ๐
Chum (Guest) on March 4, 2016
I thought growing old would take longer. ๐๐ต
Warda (Guest) on March 1, 2016
My brain has too many tabs open. ๐ป๐ง
Joseph Kiwanga (Guest) on February 26, 2016
๐ Totally didnโt see that coming!
Ruth Mtangi (Guest) on February 23, 2016
Donโt you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do. ๐ค๐ฌ
Brian Karanja (Guest) on February 19, 2016
๐ I canโt even breathe, so funny!
Sekela (Guest) on January 22, 2016
If at first, you donโt succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you in the beginning. ๐ฉโ๐ง๐คทโโ๏ธ
John Lissu (Guest) on January 16, 2016
What kind of car does an egg drive? A yolkswagen! ๐๐ฅ
Fadhili (Guest) on January 5, 2016
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. ๐คข๐ค
Leila (Guest) on January 5, 2016
If life gives you lemons, freeze them and throw them at people who are annoying. ๐๐
Mary Kendi (Guest) on January 1, 2016
I donโt care if the glass is half full or half empty. Iโm just glad itโs not a shot glass. ๐ฅ๐น
Esther Cheruiyot (Guest) on December 23, 2015
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop annoying me! ๐ก๐
Esther Nyambura (Guest) on December 9, 2015
I love sleep because itโs like a time machine to breakfast. ๐๏ธ๐ฅ
Nchi (Guest) on December 9, 2015
๐ This just made my day!
Sultan (Guest) on November 21, 2015
My life feels like a test I didnโt study for. ๐๐คฏ
Janet Wambura (Guest) on November 17, 2015
I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me. ๐๐งโโ๏ธ
Nicholas Wanjohi (Guest) on November 16, 2015
Why did the man take his clock to the vet? It had ticks! ๐ฐ๏ธ๐พ
Janet Sumari (Guest) on November 9, 2015
๐ Added to my favorites!
Mwajabu (Guest) on November 5, 2015
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had the drumsticks! ๐๐ฅ
George Wanjala (Guest) on October 29, 2015
๐คฃ This joke is just too good!
Nancy Kawawa (Guest) on October 14, 2015
Whatโs a cowโs favorite place to go? The moo-vies! ๐๐ฅ
Mchuma (Guest) on October 14, 2015
Why donโt basketball players ever go on vacation? Theyโre afraid of traveling! ๐โ๏ธ
Omar (Guest) on October 8, 2015
Why donโt koalas count as bears? They donโt have the koalifications! ๐จ๐
Kassim (Guest) on October 6, 2015
I donโt procrastinate; I reschedule. ๐๏ธ๐
Makame (Guest) on October 4, 2015
Why did the musician bring a ladder to the concert? To reach the high notes! ๐ถ๐ต
Warda (Guest) on October 1, 2015
A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. ๐ง๐คฒ
Khalifa (Guest) on September 23, 2015
I wish everything was as easy as getting fat. ๐ฉ๐
Joyce Aoko (Guest) on September 13, 2015
๐ Iโm definitely stealing this one!
Janet Sumaye (Guest) on September 5, 2015
๐ Sharing right away!
Mwanaidha (Guest) on August 21, 2015
Why do we press harder on the remote when the batteries are dying? ๐บ๐
Victor Sokoine (Guest) on July 28, 2015
Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken. ๐งโโ๏ธ๐คทโโ๏ธ
Husna (Guest) on July 27, 2015
Iโve reached the age where my brain goes from 'You probably shouldnโt say that' to 'What the heck, letโs see what happens'. ๐คทโโ๏ธ๐คญ
John Mushi (Guest) on July 22, 2015
Whatโs black, white, and read all over? A newspaper! ๐ฐ๐ค
Hassan (Guest) on July 12, 2015
Whatโs Beethovenโs favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-na! ๐น๐
Mazrui (Guest) on July 10, 2015
I don't trip over things; I do random gravity checks. ๐๐
Henry Mollel (Guest) on July 6, 2015
Why couldnโt the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted! ๐๐
Ann Awino (Guest) on July 6, 2015
What did the triangle say to the circle? Youโre pointless! ๐บโช
Alice Jebet (Guest) on June 30, 2015
Why are skeletons so calm? Nothing gets under their skin! ๐๐
Diana Mumbua (Guest) on June 26, 2015
๐ Perfect joke!
Violet Mumo (Guest) on June 19, 2015
If weโre not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge? ๐ฅช๐ก
Mariam Kawawa (Guest) on June 13, 2015
I love work; it fascinates me. I can sit and watch it for hours. ๐ป๐๏ธ
Alex Nyamweya (Guest) on June 11, 2015
Absolutely hilarious! Canโt get enough! ๐
Monica Adhiambo (Guest) on June 9, 2015
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! ๐ฅ๏ธ๐ค
Lydia Mzindakaya (Guest) on June 3, 2015
My hobbies include eating and complaining that Iโm gaining weight. ๐๐
Charles Mrope (Guest) on May 30, 2015
Exercise? I thought you said 'extra fries'! ๐๐
Lydia Mutheu (Guest) on May 20, 2015
Why donโt we tell secrets in a cornfield? Too many ears! ๐ฝ๐
Victor Mwalimu (Guest) on May 9, 2015
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! ๐๐ค
Safiya (Guest) on May 3, 2015
I donโt suffer from insanityโI enjoy every minute of it. ๐คชโณ
Nancy Kabura (Guest) on April 14, 2015
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato! ๐ฆ๐ฅ
Habiba (Guest) on April 13, 2015
๐ Iโm still laughing!
Sarafina (Guest) on April 9, 2015
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose! ๐๐ฆถ
Chum (Guest) on April 7, 2015
Why donโt skeletons fight each other? They donโt have the guts! ๐ฆด๐
Mwanajuma (Guest) on April 7, 2015
๐ This is pure brilliance!
Christopher Oloo (Guest) on April 6, 2015
What do you get when you cross a dog with a phone? A golden receiver! ๐๐
Michael Mboya (Guest) on April 2, 2015
Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair. ๐ชโ