Kuna maprofesa 40 walipanda AIR TANZANIA ili wasafari. Kabla ndege haijaanza kuondoka, Lilipita tangazo kama ifuatavyo:
Ndugu wasafiri wote, ndege unayotarajia kusafiri nayo imetengenezwa na wanafunzi wa Kitanzania.
Baada ya tangazo maprofesa wote waliteremka isipokuwa mmoja alibaki kwenye kiti chake
Walipomuuliza ni kwanini hakuondoka akajibu kwa haraka na furaha kuwa:
Kama ndege hii imetengenezwa na watanzania, hata kuwaka haitawaka!
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
Jana nimeenda kuazima pasi chumba jirani, ili ninyooshe nguo zangu, Jamaa wakaniambia nichukue nguo nikanyooshe room kwao maana hawataki pasi yao itoke.
Sasa leo amekuja mmoja wao kuazima mopper akasafishe room, nimemwambia aje adekie humu humu…
Jamaa ameondoka nadhani atakua ameenda kuchukua maji
🤒🤒🤒
Duh! Sikubali bora mbavu zituume wote!
Watalii wana dharau sana bana, Mtalii alikodi boti akazunguka nayo kwenye mto Rufiji kuangalia mandhari, akamuuliza kijana anayeongoza boti, “Do you know Biology, Psychology and Anthropology?” Kijana akajibu “NO,” Mtalii akamwambia “nothing you know under the sun? You are useless, and u’ll die with your illiteracy!” baada ya muda boti ikaanza kuzama, kijana akamwambia mtalii “Do you know kuogelealogy and kusepalogy from mambalogy? Mtalii akajibu huku ametoa macho “No” kijana akamwambia “You will kufalogy and mambalogy wil eat your matakology because of your bad-mdomology..😂😂😂😂😂😂
1. Ticha:”Punda ni mnyama anaefugwa nyumbani,lakini akiwa mwituni anaitwa pundamilia….Je sungura anayeishi mwituni anaitwaje?”
ZUZU:”Sunguramilia.”
2.Ticha:”Rais wa kwanza wa kenya aliitwa KENYATTA…Je rais wa kwanza wa
Tanzania aliitwaje?”
ZUZU:”TANZANIATTA.”
3. Ticha:”Kuku yuko katika jamii ya NDEGE…Je samaki yuko katika jamii ya nini?”
ZUZU:”MELI.”
4. Ticha:”Coach wa Arsenal anaitwa ARSENE,wa Man-city anaitwa MANCINI….Je wa
Liverpool anaitwaje?
ZUZU:”LIVER.”
5 Ticha:”Ukiwa na mbuzi 10,wezi waje waibe 5,utabaki na nini?”
ZUZU:”Hasira nyingi sana!”
BABA OYEEEEEE💪💪
Soma hii…
Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANA friend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambia hivi:-
MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor
MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o
MSICHANA: Aaah! Hicho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie
MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.
MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe
Baba mtu akawatazama kisha akasema
BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli
MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana yupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!
BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatia na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!
Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GET PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED” by Wole Soyinka.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Boy:- baby ivi nikifa utakuja msibani?
Girl:-ntakuja ukinitumia nauli.
Hapo ndo unagundua kuwa sio kila omba omba yuko barabarani.
🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤔
FACT!
1.Ukiona geto lina feni, sabufa, meza ya plastic na kitanda ch sita kwa sita na Pc UJUE ni jamaa wa UDSM.
2. Ukaona geto lina nguo nyingi za watu tofauti tofauti, unga mwingi, vtunguu vng, nyanya halaf pembeni, Vitabu vya kutosha na lundo la karatasi za betting ujue huyu JAMAA ni wa SAUT.
3. Ukaona geto halina kitu ndani zaidi ya mkate wa bakheresa na kopo la maji UJUE huyu jamaa ni wa UDOM😂☝
4. Ukaona geto lina visamaki vikavu mezani, Notes za kutosha mezani na jaba pembeni UJUE huyu ni MJAMAA WA MWENGE/MWECAU😜👤
5. Ukaona geto lina Mawigi mengi na dressing table pembeni, ngazi ya kuwekea viatu UJUE huyu mjamaa ni wa RUCO IRINGA😘
6. Ukaona geto lina spray za kila aina, Nguo nyingi hasa za mitumba ambazo zimemodolewa mpaka tight UJUE huyu MJAMAA ni wa USHIRIKA MOSHI.
7.Ukiona geto lina Nyanya na mikungu ya ndizi halafu halafu nje kuna jiko la Mkaa UJUE huyu mjamaa ni wa TEKU mbeya😳
8. Ukiona geto lina tranka na nje wamevulia buti, viatu vya matope UJUE huyu Mjamaa ni Wa SMUCO MWIKA.
9. Ukaona geto ndan mashuka ya kimasai kinabao, hapa usipatwe na Mashaka, Jua huyu ni Mjamaa wa MAKUMIRA. 😜😜😜😜
10. Ukaona geto lina vimodo, vimini, miwani za tittled, jiko la mafuta ya taa, kitandani mito zaidi ya Minne,Visarafu kwenye meza, Tshirt nyingi za semina za family planning, Ukimwi n.k halafu chini tv ya chogo na king’amuz cha continental Ujue huyu MJAMAA ni wa TIA DSM 😱😱😱😱😱😱😱
⏬⏬⏬⏬⏬⏬⏬⏬⤵⏬🆙🆙🆙🆙
JE, KWAKO KUKOJE? ???
😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋😋
BABA: mwanangu kwenye huu mtihani uliofanya natumaini utafanya vizuri.
DOGO: ndio baba nitapata mia kwa mia.
BABA: kwanini unasema hivyo?.
DOGO: kwasababu jana kanisani tulifundishwa “Yesu ni jibu” kwahiyo kote nimejaza Yesu.
BABA: kwel kazi ipo
JE UNGEKUWA WEWE HUYO NDO MWANAO UNGEMFANYAJE?
If…
99 is: Ninety nine,
88 is: Eighty eight,
77 is: Seventy seven,
66 is: Sixty six,
55 is: Fifty five,
44 is: Forty four,
33 is: Thirty three,
22 is: Twenty two,
Why 11 not Onety one?
Wazungu msitufanye Vilaza….!! 😂 😂 😂 😂
😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
Mungu anawaona
*Kama mtaani kwenu mambo yamekuwa tait , usikimbilie mtaani kwetu kwani huku yamekuwa dera kabisa*😂😂😂😂😂
Jana nilipeleka viatu kwa fundi sasa hivi nimekutana nae amevivaa namuuliza ananiambia eti ni ROAD TEST” 😂😂😁
Upo kwenye chumba cha mtihani,
maswalii yamekupiga kinyama
Unaamua kuchukua smartphone ugoogle kisha ucopy na kupaste kwenye booklet yako,
Ghagfla lecturer aningia na wewe kwa woga wako unaficha calculator na kuweka simu mezani,
Hapo ndo utajua shetani naye alikua anasimamia paper.
😂😂😂😂😂
1. Mwanaume hata awe bahili vipi, hawezi kumpa mwanamke mimba nusu.
2. Hata uwe na magari mangapi chooni utaenda kwa miguu.
3. Kama ubinadamu kazi mbona hatupewi mishahara?
4. Ukichanganya wali na choroko unapata mseto, lakini hautibu malaria.
5. Hata njiwa nae ana makinda, lakini hawezi kuwa spika wa Bunge.
6. Hata uwe na haraka vipi kwenda Zenj, huwezi kupanda Jahazi ya Yusuph Mzee.
7. Umeme hauna kiuno lakini unaongoza kwa kukatika.
8. Hata uwe kauzu vipi, huwezi kujamba wakati unatongoza.
9. Hata uwe na imani kali vipi, huwezi kusali wakati unafanya mapenzi.
10. Hata kizibo ni mfuniko lakini hauwezi
kufunika sufuria.
CHEKA KIDOGO
Wachungaji watatu walikutana kwa siri na kuelezana matatizo yao ili waweze kuombeana.
MCHUNGAJI WA KWANZA: mimi tatizo langu ni wizi, kila nikimaliza ibada lazima niibe pesa za sadaka.
WA PILI: Mimi tatizo langu ni wanawake yani nimeshalala na wana kwaya wote pamoja na mke wa ASKOF.
WA TATU akaanza kulia badala ya kuongea.WENZAKE:
We vp unatatizo gani mbona unalia???
AKAJIBU: jamani mimi tatizo langu ni “umbea” haya yote tuliyoongea lazima nikaseme!
😂😂😂😂😂👆🏻😂😂
Mchumba wangu amenialika kwao nikawaone wazazi wake lakini akaniambia nisiende mikono mitupu…
Nikaamua kuvaa gloves…
Sipendagi aibu ndogo ndogo ukweni.😏😏😏
Mngojwa: daktari Nina tatizo la kusahausahau kila dakika.
Daktari: hilo tatizo lilianza lini?
Mngojwa:tatizo lipi?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Welcome to AckySHINE Ministries, where our mission is to illuminate lives with the light of Christian faith.
AckySHINE charity is a program for humanitarian campaigns and aid aimed at promoting peace and unity, protecting the environment, and maintaining the health and development of individuals and the community as a whole. These campaigns are advertised through ackyshine.com.
Hey there! 😄
I’m so happy you’re here! 🥳
If you’re enjoying yourself, please leave a comment💬.
I’d love to hear from you! 💬❤️
Your Friend, Melkisedeck Leon Shine
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