Cheka kidogo na wewe hapa
*Kama mtaani kwenu mambo yamekuwa tait , usikimbilie mtaani kwetu kwani huku yamekuwa dera kabisa*😂😂😂😂😂
Jana nilipeleka viatu kwa fundi sasa hivi nimekutana nae amevivaa namuuliza ananiambia eti ni ROAD TEST” 😂😂😁
*Kama mtaani kwenu mambo yamekuwa tait , usikimbilie mtaani kwetu kwani huku yamekuwa dera kabisa*😂😂😂😂😂
Jana nilipeleka viatu kwa fundi sasa hivi nimekutana nae amevivaa namuuliza ananiambia eti ni ROAD TEST” 😂😂😁
BABA OYEEEEEE💪💪
Soma hii…
Msichana alikuwa amekaa na baba yake kibarazani, mara akamuona MVULANA friend wake akija, yule mvulana alipokaribia tu, yule msichana akamwambia hivi:-
MSICHANA: Umekuja kuchukua kile kitabu chako, kinachoitwa “DADDY IS AT HOME?” by Ngozi Okafor
MVULANA: Hapana!, Nimekuja kuazima kitabu cha maombi kama kinaitwa “WHERE SHOULD I WAIT FOR YOU?” by Ngũgĩ wa Thiong’o
MSICHANA: Aaah! Hicho sina ila ninacho kimoja kinaitwa “UNDER THE MANGO TREE” by Chimamanda Adichie
MVULANA: Ooh! Vizuri, Basi usisahau kuja nacho kesho kitabu cha Okot p’Bitek kile kinachoitwa “CALL ME IN 5 MINUTES BEFORE” Utakapokuja shule.
MSICHANA: Usijali, tena nina kitabu kipya kinaitwa “I WON’T LET YOU DOWN” by Chinua Achebe
Baba mtu akawatazama kisha akasema
BABA: Vitabu vyote hivyo, mbona vingi sana, atavisoma vyote kweli
MSICHANA: Ndio Daddy, huyu mvulana yupo smart sana na ana akili atavisoma vyote hivyo!
BABA: Sawa! Usisahau kumpatia na kile ambacho nimekiweka pale juu ya meza, kinaitwa “I AM NOT STUPID, I UNDERSTOOD EVERYTHING YOU’VE BEEN SAYING” by Shakespeare!
Na kuna kingine nimekiweka juu ya kabati la vyombo, kinaitwa “IF YOU GET PREGNANT PREPARE TO GET MARRIED” by Wole Soyinka.
POLISI KAKAMATA MZUNGU ‘yestaday I saw u at ze maize shop..(jana nilikuona dukani kwa muhindi) when u saw me u started 2 six six.(uliponiona ulianza ku-sitasita) u ran n decided 2 plant a car.(ulikimbia na ukaamua kupanda gari) zen u pot-cry me through ze window.(kisha ukanichungulia dirishani) now sleep down n snake well b4 I cut u a millet.(sasa lala chini kisha nyooka vizuri kabla sijakukata mtama) Chezea lugha wewe..!!!
Boss mmoja aliingia kazini kwake kasahau kufunga zipu ya suruali yake sasa secretary wake akamfuata na mazungumzo yakawa hivi:
SECRETARY: Boss leo umesahau kufunga geti nyumbani kwako…
Boss akabaki anashangaa… Baadae wakati anakwenda chooni kujisaidia ile anataka kufungua zipu akaikuta iko wazi ndio akajua alichokuwa ameambiwa na Secretary wake.
Akarudi mpaka kwa secretary na mazungumzo yakaendelea:
BOSS: Bibie ulivyoona geti wazi je uliona benz langu lime paki au…?
SECRETARY: Hapana Boss niliona kitoroli kidogo kimepaki kina matairi mawili
Mke mmoja alimpa mme wake redio aende nayo chooni ili asiboreke kwa vile huwa anakaa muda mrefu.
Basi alvyotoka akamuuliza,”ehe mme wangu ulienjoy?” Mme,”ah wajinga hawa!
Wameniwekea wimbo wa taifa,nimejisaidia huku nimesimama
Mchungaji mmoja baada ya kuwafungisha ndoa “MASHOGA” wawili alipata wakati mgumu kutamka kuwa “sasa ninyi ni MKE na MUME”
atafanyaje wakati wote ni wanaume? mchungaji akapiga moyo konde na kusema “tangu sasa ninyi ni MAN UNITED”
😆😆 😂😂😂😂😂😂 Jamaa kagombana na mkewe, akasusa kula🍽🍨 kurudi kazini kamkuta mkewe amevaa kanga imeandikwa ukisusa wenzio wala ilipofika asubuhi mke akavaa kanga imeandikwa ukitoka 🚶🚶mwenzio anaingia💃💃
jamaa akagoma kwenda kazini 😬😬 mke akabadili kanga na kuvaa iloandikwa nimemdhibiti ndo mana hatoki🚷 jamaa akaenda kuomba ushauri kwa rafiki yake akaambiwa twende nyumbsni kwako, walipofika walimkuta mke kavaa kanga imeandikwa ulidhani rafiki yako kumbe adui yako🤔🤔 jamaa akaamua kusafiri siku tano ili kupunguza hasira. Aliporudi akamkuta mke amevaa kanga imeandikwa ni bora nimpe jirani kuliko kiozee ndani
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
hata kama hupendagi ujinga kwa maneno ya kwenye kanga utasanda tu
Upo kwenye chumba cha mtihani,
maswalii yamekupiga kinyama
Unaamua kuchukua smartphone ugoogle kisha ucopy na kupaste kwenye booklet yako,
Ghagfla lecturer aningia na wewe kwa woga wako unaficha calculator na kuweka simu mezani,
Hapo ndo utajua shetani naye alikua anasimamia paper.
😂😂😂😂😂
Umeenda kutembea ukweni kwako baada ya chakula chausiku unapewa chumba chakulala inapofika usiku unatakakutoka kwenda kujisaidi kwasababu taa zimezimwa unapamia vyombo vya chakula sebleni kipindi unajalibu kupapasa uviweke sawa mala taa inawashwa na mama mkwe anaona umeshika vyombo anakwambia, baba kama ukushiba ungesema
Haya ndiyo majibu mazuri😁😁👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
A: *Hapana, nimebadilisha kichwa.*
A: *Hapana nimeitengeneza mwenyewe.*
A: *Mdomo*
A: *Hapana nilikuwa naota jua hapa nje.*
A: *Sijaongea nalo.*
A: *Usijali dereva anashuka kituo kinachofata utapata kiti.*
A: *Hapana ni driver ameamua kupark gari upside down* .
A: *Hapana wamechoka kuact wanarest.*
😂😂😂😂😂😂
🏃♂🏃♂🏃♂🏃♂🏃♂🏃♂
Kuishi kijijini kunahitaji moyo sana
..unaenda kuoga, unakumbuka kuwa umesahau sabuni…unaenda kuchukua sabuni kurudi bafuni, unakuta ng’ombe amekunywa maji yote..unaamua kufuata mengne,unarudi unakuta mbuzi kala sabuni…😂😂😂😂
1. Awe na pesa nyingi
2.Siyo lazima awe mzuri wa sura
3. Ajenge ukweni
4.Awe mpole
5.Asimuonee wivu mke wake
6.Awe mwenye upendo wa dhati
7.Asishike simu ya mke wake.
8.Akimkuta na mwanaume apite tu, akitaka kujua ni nani asubiri nyumbani
9.Awe anamskiliza mke wake kwa kika kitu.
10.Asipende mwanamke mwingine zaid yake
UKIMPATA MWANAUME MWENYE SIFA HIZO KAPIME DNA LAZIMA ATAKUWA NI BABA AKO.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Teacher: Who is a pharmacist?
Shemdoe raised up his hand.
Teacher: So it’s only Shemdoe that can tell who a pharmacist is in this class? So there is no body else to answer the question except Shemdoe? (There was no reply from the students)
Teacher: Ok now Shemdoe, chukua hii fimbo, charaza vilaza hawa wote kila mmoja viboko kumi…. Shemdoe akiwa amevimba kichwa, akawatwanga viboko kumi kumi vya kushiba darasa nzima
Teacher: Now, my dear Shemdoe tell this dumb students who a pharmacist is…
Shemdoe: Yes, sir. A Pharmacist is a farmer who assists people. Shemdoe saiv amelazwa MOI kwa wataalam wa mifupa 🏃
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