Jamaa kaingia mgahawani kwa fujo
JAMAA :ย Nipe soda moja na kila mtu mpe yake maana ninapokunywa soda napenda kila mtu anywe
WATU :ย Ha! Ha! Ha! Haaaa!
JAMAA :ย Nipe mchemsho na kila mtu mpe wa kwake maana ninapokula mchemsho napenda kila mtu ale wake
WATU:ย Watu weweeee! Tena safari hii Na makofi juu..
JAMAA :ย Mhudumu, nipe bili na kila mtu mpe yake maana ninapolipa bili napenda kuona kila mtu analipa yake
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
Kuishi kijijini kunahitaji moyo sana
..unaenda kuoga, unakumbuka kuwa umesahau sabuniโฆunaenda kuchukua sabuni kurudi bafuni, unakuta ng’ombe amekunywa maji yote..unaamua kufuata mengne,unarudi unakuta mbuzi kala sabuniโฆ๐๐๐๐
Jamaa alienda Bar na mke wake wa ndoa wakakaa kwenye viti, wakati wanasubiri vinywaji akapita binti mmoja anayejiuza akamsogelea yule mke wa jamaa
akamnong’oneza:- “AKULIPE KABISA KABLA HUJALALA NAYE, NI MGUMU KULIPA HUYOO!!.
HALAFU HUWA HATUMII KONDOMUโฆ”
Unajua ni nini kilitokea?
High school Flashback!!
.
Watchman : Amkeni muende morning preps.
Allan : Mimi ni mgonjwa.
Watchman : Unaumwa na nini hiyo?
Allan : Bionomial Nomenclature.
Watchman : Eeh, lala tu kijana. Hiyo kitu ni
mbaya. Imeuwa watu South Africa.
๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐
#_Sipendagii ujinga kabisaa mimi
Hata kama ni Mgeni this is too much.
Mwenyeji: Karibu mgeni karibu ukae,utapenda chai au soda?
Mgeni: Nipe nianze na soda wakati chai inachemka.
Mwenyeji: Utakunywa fanta au sprite?
Mgeni: Nipe fanta wakati sprite inapoa.
Mwenyeji: Utakunywa na keki au mkate?
Mgeni: Nipe keki mkate nitanywea chai ikishachemka.
Mwenyeji: Utapendelea ndiz au machungwa,
Mgeni: Nipe machungwa ndizi ntakula na wali
mchana.
Chezea mgeni ww.!!!
๐๐๐๐
Alipelekwa Hospitali na baba yake, baada ya vipimo Doctor akawa anamuandikia dawa, baba yake akatoka nje kuongea na cm.
Mtoto akamwinamia Doctor na kusema kwa sauti ya chini:- “Doctor Kwenye dozi ya dawa niandikie na FANTA BARIDII, CHIPS na MISHIKAKI kutwa mara 2 kwa siku 30.
Siku hizi kudekezwa na kupetiwa petiwa tunawaachia matajiri
Hakuna mwanamke yupo tayar kulalia kifua cha maskini ambacho moyo unadunda
Deni,, Deni,Deni, Deni .
๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐คฃ๐ถ๐ฝโโ
Mfalme Sulemani alikuwa na wake 700 na alichepuka(cheated)na vimada 300 . Mpenzi wako/Mume wako unamfumania na kimada mmoja tu ugomvi na amani imapotea ndani ya nyumba,unasimulia kuanzia padri,mchungaji,ukoo wako mzima,mashoga, stress,vidonda vya tumbo,inapelekea mpaka unaokoka,eti kisa kamuonjesha mmojaโ sasa akionjesha 700 si utakutwa Mirembe๏ฟฝ
Wadada acheni HIZO
๐๐๐๐๐๐.
Mdada alienda super-market kununua
kuku, bahati mbaya kwenye frij
kulikuwa na kuku mmoja tu, muuzaji
akamtoa akamuweka kwenye
mzani, akaonekana ana kilo moja na robo.
Mdada akamuuliza
muuzaji,โHuna mkubwa zaidi?โ Muuzaji
akamchukua yule kuku na
kujifanya kamrudisha kwenye friji, halafu
akamtoa tena kwenye friji na
kumrudisha kwenye mzani, safari hii
akagandamiza mzani kwa gumba,
kuku akaonekana ana kilo mbili. Mdada
akasema โDuh afadhali huyu
mkubwa kidogo,ย naomba unifungie
nawachukua wote wawiliโ
Mamaaaaa muuzaji sijui atatoa wap kuku wa pili๐
๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ ๐ Hapo ndipo utagundua kwa nini MUWA co TUNDA ๐ถ๐ฝ๐ถ๐ฝ
.
.
Jambazi mmoja aliingia kanisani na bunduki akapiga risasi juu ya bati akasema “asiyempenda YESU atoke nje” wakatoka wote ispokuwa Mchungaji na Wazee wawili.
Jambazi likamwambia Mchungaji “unaweza kuendelea na ibada, nilikuwa nakuondolea wanafiki”, Mchungaji akasema “ungewaacha kwanza nichukue sadakaโฆ!
Kuishi kijijini kunahitaji moyo sana
..unaenda kuoga, unakumbuka kuwa umesahau sabuniโฆunaenda kuchukua sabuni kurudi bafuni, unakuta ng’ombe amekunywa maji yote..unaamua kufuata mengne,unarudi unakuta mbuzi kala sabuniโฆ๐๐๐๐
Mtoto alimwuuliza baba yake,
Mtoto: Baba unaweza kumwachia hilo gari lako house boy/girl akaliendesha?
Baba: siwezi kumwachia gari langu hili aliendeshe ni ghali sana.
Mtoto: je mnaweza kumwachia chumba chenu house boy/girl kikiwa wazi na mkaenda kazini?
Baba: haiwezekani kamwe kuna vitu vya gharama na pia heshima haitakuwepo.
Mtoto: unaweza ukampa house boy/girl ATM CARD yako na namba ya siri ukakuchulie pesa?
Baba: mtoto unatafuta balaa sasa, unataka siku akiiba hii card akachukue pesa zote tuwe maskini, sithubutu.
Mtoto: aahaaaaaa, kumbe hauwezi kumkabidhi chochote chenye thamani house boy/ girl, sasa kwa nini mnanikabidhi mimi kwa house boy/girl na nyie mnaenda kazini mpaka mnarudi kumbe mimi sina thamani kwenu eeeeh!
Wanawake nilianza kuwachukia tokea shule ya msingi.
Ni pale mwanamke wangu aliponiacha na kwenda kwa jamaa mwenye kichongeo kipya โฆinauma sanaaโฆ
WANAWAKE SIO WATU WA MCHEZO MCHEZO ASEEE Bac tuu
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Hey there! ๐
I’m so happy you’re here! ๐ฅณ
If you’re enjoying yourself, please leave a comment๐ฌ.
I’d love to hear from you! ๐ฌโค๏ธ
Your Friend, Melkisedeck Leon Shine
Welcome to AckySHINE Ministries, where our mission is to illuminate lives with the light of Christian faith.
AckySHINE charity is a program for humanitarian campaigns and aid aimed at promoting peace and unity, protecting the environment, and maintaining the health and development of individuals and the community as a whole. These campaigns are advertised through ackyshine.com.
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